Here’s some advice to all the comedians out there: picking out names for your kids is not the time to be funny. It’s a little late for Ralphie May’s kids, a two-year-old boy named August May and a four-year-old girl named April June May. (The fact that May is married to a comic goes a long way to explaining how he got names that sound like an out-of-order calendar on the kids’ birth certificates.)

He tells us he’s made a few changes to his routine since becoming a dad, including an earnest campaign to eliminate the N-word from common us-age. “I look at those little faces and I know we’ve got to change the world,” May says. His plan? Substitute the N-word with a harmless term, like “saltines.” “Think about it; we could say, ‘Hey, how you doin’, my saltine?’ How stupid would it sound for some guy from the Klan to walk around saying, ‘I just hate saltines! Them saltines are just no damn good.’ It would be ridiculous.”

8 p.m. Thursday, 8 and 10:30 p.m. Friday and Saturday. Houston Improv, 7620 Katy Freeway. For information, call 713‑333-8800 or visit www.improvhouston.com. $25.

Sept. 22-24, 2011

This article appears in Sep 22-28, 2011.