Title: Onslaught
Describe This Move In One Aliens Quote:
RIPLEY: Get away from her you bitch!
Brief Plot Synopsis: It’s tough out there for a single mom, even a well-armed one.
Rating Using Random Objects Relevant To The Film: 3 Cyberdyne Systems Mode 101s out of 5.
Tagline: “To stop a killing machine you must become one.”
Better Tagline: “Can’t we all just get along?” [is immediately shot in the face]
Not So Brief Plot Synopsis: Former Army sniper Celeste (Adria Arjona) fills her post-military life with target shooting and managing the desert trailer park where she lives. Her ex-husband showing up to drop off their daughter Daisy (Blake Kennedy) wasn’t in her immediate plans. Then again, neither was dealing with three super soldiers who’ve escaped from a nearly secret military facility, courtesy of Nazi doctor Hans Kammler (Dan Stevens).
“Critical” Analysis: Before he directed two movies set in the so-called “Monsterverse” (Godzilla vs. Kong, Godzilla x Kong: The New Empire), Adam Wingard made a few films about non-kaiju situations. Two of which, the darkly humorous slasher You’re Next and the cautionary The Guest, are sort of “unofficial/official” prequels to Onslaught.
“Prequel” is probably the wrong word. One of the characters in You’re Next worked for the company that experimented on the character of David in The Guest (spoilers for a 12-year old movie). That same company is the one behind the super soldiers plaguing Celeste and Daisy, but there’s no other connection (Dan Stevens, who played David, is a … distinctly different character here).
Onslaught’s shared DNA with those other movies comes mostly from the violence and black humor. But where the previous films had a distinct atmosphere and structure, Onslaught ultimately doesn’t pan out. It’s biggest problem is it makes you think it’s building up to something more than the inert climax we actually get.
Wingard and writer Simon Barrett kick things off with a sort of reverse “We Didn’t Start the Fire.” Clips of Presidents lying about their respective wars split time with references to the Freemasons, Illuminati and Operation Paperclip. And for those not familiar with that secret U.S. effort to bring German scientists to America after WWII, the montage ends with the Nazi eagle transforming into the Presidential seal. Subtle? No. But it sets the table for Dr. Kammler’s efforts to create the Übermensch.
The early scenes — Celeste gouging her arm to steady her shootin’ arm; Kammler orally pleasuring his wife Hanna’s (Rebecca Hall!) feet — kick off an aura of weirdness that’s sadly not sustained throughout the movie. Their respective stories play off each other, separated by a countdown clock that definitely portends … something. The timer clearly has something to do with the three super soldiers Kammler is creating. Our avatar for his plot dump is a fed liaison (Michael Biehn), visiting the secret facility.
And I just have to say, Onslaught clearly owes a lot to The Terminator*. Would it have killed Wingard to keep Biehn in this movie for more than ten minutes?
Obviously, the three merciless killing machines escape. The soldiers — nicknamed “the Butcher,” “the Cockroach,” and “the Crybaby” for … reasons — commence to wreak havoc. The base being in the middle of nowhere lessens the breadth of their mayhem. But it’s still enough to trigger the activation of Cyrus (Drew Starkey), a covert government “cleaner,” akin to Winston Wolf.
To this point, Onslaught is a blackly humorous, spirited actioner. Jokes fly, and blood spatters, hinting at an epic showdown at Celeste’s trailer park.
And then, Wingard abruptly shifts to slasher mode. Going from the super soldiers brutally shooting up civilians (you can’t convince me there isn’t already a Call of Duty mod that accomplishes this very thing) to creeping around in Michael Myers mode is one hell of a shift. It doesn’t sink the proceedings, exactly, but it kills a lot of momentum.
Even given that (and an abrupt climax), Onslaught is pretty fun. Arjona carries much of the load. Celeste is an unapologetic hardass, but still a caring mother. Fellow trailer park denizens Reginald VelJohnson and Tim and Eric stalwart Eric Wareheim make welcome appearances as a fellow vet and an initially laughable cop, reespectively.
But perhaps most surprising, especially in a movie with Dan Stevens, is how much Starkey steals every scene he’s in. From his rather salacious introduction to the running gag of trying to deal with the carnage while tripping balls, Cyrus is a delight. Not what I expected from an Outer Banks alum.
*And John Carpenter, down to the music and credit font.
Onslaught is in theaters today.
