Shots, shots, shots, shots, shots, shots, e'ryyyyyyyybodyyyyyyy!
So you wanna party for spring break with the college kids, huh? But what's that you say? You're just as broke as a college kid? Well, it's obviously gotta be Spring Break in the Lone Star State, son! And you're in luck, because we know a thing or two about beer bongs and Texas.
Pack up your banana hammock, your sweet neon '80s jammers and your zinc oxide, and let's hit the road, fools. It's Spring Break 2014! Whoooooooooo!
(Side note: If you're over the age of 30, please feel free to change the name of this list in your head to "Ten Places to Avoid Like the Plague During Spring Break. We're right there with you, as a member of the olds.)
10. Lake Texoma Lake Texoma: It's Red River to the west, Washita River to the North and yet somehow always skin central. It's a bit puzzling, but still awesome. This massive lake, situated on the Texas-Oklahoma border, is only about an hour's drive from Dallas, and is 89,000 acres worth of friggin' lake. Yet somehow, even with the massive size, it's a madhouse during spring break, thanks to the Dallas natives and the college kids who flock there.
Fobb Bottom, an area near the Oklahoma side of the lake, is where it's at if you're looking for spring break-size antics, though. It's where the young'uns flock to, and is home to one huge party during spring break. You can head that way, too, but make sure to take your well-stocked cooler with you. No one likes that kind of party foul. Even college kids.
9. Comal River Ooh, you know what the Comal River means, right? Tubin', fools! It's basically a requirement to drink while tubing, and you can do so with about a billion other tubers during spring break on the Comal. It's prime spring break pickin's, where you'll come across groups of friendly tubers every few feet. Feel free to scream "Spring Break 2014!" to your heart's content on this river; everyone else will be right there with ya.
True story: We once got stuck on this river while tubing because the water was low, and we decided it would be prudent to lighten our load by getting rid of our water and drinking the vodka. Turns out it was a terrible idea, and when we finally made it to the end of the line six hours later, we looked a bit scary from the sunburn and the intoxication. So be careful, hard-partiers. The life of a spring break tuber can be a dangerous one.
8. San Marcos Three words: San Marcos River. Oh, and three more words: Texas State University. That's six words of spring break awesomeness, guys. The San Marcos River is the only spring-fed river in the area, and it's always a perfect 72 degrees, which means you won't have to deal with the dreaded spring break shrinkage while trying to impress the ladies. (Please don't try to impress the ladies like that, even on spring break.)
7. San Antonio So, if you're looking to party, San Antonio may be just your place. There's the River Walk, Alamo Heights, and really, we're just yanking your chain, guys! San Antonio is not the one for spring break, unless you're a glutton for boring punishment. Remember the Alamo, and save that trip for a time when you're not looking to shotgun a beer out of some dude's armpit.