Film and TV

The Most Bizarre Tributes to Nicolas Cage Online

Nicolas Cage is... he's sort of hard to define. I mean, if an alien landed on Earth and took my family hostage until I answered the question, "WHAT IS NICOLAS CAGE?" then, man, they would be so, so lasered. Nicolas Cage is like being on real world and bizarre world at the same time.

Granted, he is responsible for some of my favorite films ever. Raising Arizona is a masterpiece, Wild at Heart is still David Lynch's best film in my opinion, and shut up, I like Con Air. Did you pay to see the last Die Hard film? Then you don't get to make fun of me for liking Con Air.

Then again, there's his soul-stirring performance in The Wicker Man where he punches women in a bear suit until they pour bees in his eyes, as well as his... unique take on the Spirit of Vengeance that is Ghost Rider. The fact that he managed to get a sequel made only proves Cage's position as a strange god. It's no wonder that the Internet worships him. But the way they go about it...

Art: There are plenty of normal paintings of Cage available through DeviantArt and Etsy... and by normal I mean that they capture his regular weirdness without cranking up the dial. Then there's this one above by FishMas that reminds us of Cage's immortal line, "Oh no, not the bees, not the bees! Auuuugh! Aglubah my eyes! My eyes! Aaaauuuurrrrgh!" Even this isn't as bad as a pencil drawing by Gingerbread Basics that asks the question, "Looking for a Nic Cage and Batman cross over? Want to see his inner villain?" then forces us to see Cage as Two-Face without waiting for our desperate negation.

Poetry: Speaking as someone that built a second-rate rock career on the back of a song tribute to David Arquette, I feel I speak with authority when I say that poems to Nic Cage are just unnerving. Sure, some of them are just fun, like this one from Mike Tries Poems...

Nicolas Cage, oh Nicolas Cage,

You're rich, yet as humble as minimum wage.

You rode on a bike with your head all aflame,

Then they made a Part 2 and you did just the same.

That's fun, right? But then you read something like this one from JR Reynolds who compares himself to the "pure and clean" heart of Cage with astounding negativity, and basically goes on to explain he's a better actor than Cage because no one knows he's quietly waiting to freakin' die. Better to stick with the love poems over at Cagealot Castle.

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Jef Rouner (not cis, he/him) is a contributing writer who covers politics, pop culture, social justice, video games, and online behavior. He is often a professional annoyance to the ignorant and hurtful.
Contact: Jef Rouner