Get Lit: Charmed & Deadly
Charmed & Deadly is the third in the adventures of Bronwyn, a ‘sassy’ witch who works on the Prime Minister’s protection detail, and has a hot new boyfriend as well as a covey of mystical friends. When Bronwyn’s ex-boyfriend comes around trying to kill her, she goes into high gear…
We’re Sure It Was an Honest Mistake
Looks like the mother of the microwaved baby wants her man back. KHOU has the story: “I need my daughter and my daughter needs me, especially right now,” she said. So she will fight to get her baby back. And she said she will fight to keep her marriage alive…
Nobody Puts Bigg in a Corner
Hey kids, guess what? The Astros scored a run last night. Actually, it was two runs. So, I guess all is well with the world. What’s that you’re saying? The Giants scored four runs? Well, Tim Lincecum got to the Astros again, pitching another gem for the Giants. Roy Oswalt…
Tales from Tunnel Mole
And now HouStoned is pleased to present the first dispatch from Tunnel Mole, an anonymous denizen of Houston’s subterranean playpen. You’d better watch out, downtowners. Tunnel Mole is watching you. HouStoned is moving to the underworld. Don’t get your hopes up, middle-of-the-roaders. We’re not talking about picking up where The…
Groping for the Gavel
So Texas House Speaker Tom Craddick might not be the nicest guy, but we do have to wonder what the heck’s going on up in Austin, what with people once again calling for his ouster with less than a week left in this lege session…
Robb’s Review: On the Menu
Place one whole soup dumpling in your mouth and then chew until it squirts. But make sure it’s cooled off first…
Robb’s Review: On the Menu
Place one whole soup dumpling in your mouth and then chew until it squirts. But make sure it’s cooled off first…
The Rockets Explore Their Dark Side, and There Is an “I” in Biggio
So the Jeff Van Gundy era is over and we’re now mere hours away from watching Rick Adelman assume the reins of the Houston Rockets. Ironic, that after I spent an entire column imploring general manager Daryl Morey to resist the temptation to pursue Lord Voldemort (aka Larry Brown), the…
…And They Both Fetishize Torture
Here are the words that every Astros fan wants to hear in the bottom of the 8th inning with the Astros down 4-0: “Due up in the top of the 9th for the Astros are Brad Ausmus, Adam Everett, and Brad Lidge.” Boy, doesn’t that inspire confidence?…
Full Menu
“Animal Magnetism” is a delicious three-course ballet Photo by Drew Donovan ‘ The Houston Ballet’s Barbara Bears is the sexiest thing in the Seven Seas. Creating a mixed-rep program is kind of like a meal,” says Stanton Welch, artistic director for the Houston Ballet. “You have to plan your entrée,…
Ghostland Observatory
Photographer Dana Donovan was at the Houston Press Music Awards nomination party last Friday (where were you?), and she got these great shots of Ghostland Observatory. – Olivia Flores Alvarez…
No Headline
I came across this little nugget at SI.com the other day: “Houston fans have fallen for the Astros’ rookie phenom, Hunter Pence, even as some of his teammates are looking at his super hyped-up ways with a cross between detached bemusement and barely contained annoyance.” That statement, more than anything,…
Astros 21-22
What can you say about a team that’s 21-22? You can’t say that this team is better than its record, because that would be a lie. The Astros record is padded because of the team’s ability to beat up on the Cincinnati Reds, a team even worse than the Astros…
JVG Bye-Bye
The Rockets gave the boot today to Jeff Van Gundy, and will now embark on a depressing search for a coach who will promise to install the in-vogue points-happy offense of the Phoenix Suns and Dallas Mavericks. We’ll miss Van Gundy. Always brutally honest (See the last item, “Keeping It…
Get Lit: First Assistant, Second Assistant
Houston’s freakily cool spring held me back a bit from starting The First Assistant — when a paperback has a back-cover blurb saying, “Make sure it is at the very top of your beach bag” (Chicago Tribune), you want to make sure you’re saving it for poolside perusal. But a…
Help, My Street is Broken!
Photo: Abrahan Garza This is the scene today on the 1600 block of Milam. It’s a broken drain. Trouble is the drain, with its grate topper, was put right under the path of the tires of a normal car or bus. All day long, every day, cars, trucks and buses…
The New Bad Boys? No Way
Good vs. Evil? Nah, just ODB vs. MVP We’re living in an age of around the clock sports saturation. For those of us who can never get enough information about our favorite teams and players, these are glorious days to be a sports fan. Of course, there’s also a rather…
Astros Play-by-Play
Before I address other of the many problems that I had with Phil Garner’s “managing” tonight, I’ve got to go straight to the bottom of the 12th inning. The Astros are down 2-1. There are 2 outs. There is nobody on base. The pitcher’s slot is due. So Garner decides…
Dumb Questions, Dumber Answers
David Stern hopes to prevent any more drama Okay, so it’s big news that the NBA suspended Amare Stoudemire and Boris Diaw for one game for leaving the bench after the San Antonio Spurs’ Robert Horry cheap-shotted Phoenix Suns guard Steve Nash into the scorer’s table. I see that my…
Good Week for the ‘Stros
Okay, I really hope that all of you are bowing to the magnificence that is one Hunter Pence. Do I like this kid? Well, you should have figured the answer to that by now. I hope that you guys are liking him just as much. The Astos beat the Giants…
YACHT
Jona Bechtolt wears many masks. The 27-year-old Wisconsin native is an Internet wizard (he had a hand in creating two prodigious online sites, Urban Honking and The Ultimate Blogger), a drummer for Devendra Banhart & The Queens of Sheeba, and the second half of The Blow. Indeed, Bechtolt has been…
In the Sub-Prime of Life
Debra Murray may have saved a lot of homes from foreclosure, but she couldn’t save her own. As a research specialist for Houston-based Litton Loan Servicing, a mortgage payment collection agency, Murray was in charge of combing through troubled loans to see what went wrong where. Every month, more than…
That’s Game
The theme for April was sports, and a rookie stepped up and took home the prize. Newcomer Danielle Riley of Westchester Academy of International Studies gets first place for her action shot of a softball player leaping in the air to avoid being taken out by a runner. Second place…
The Valentines
It’s a sad equation in indie rock that “rowdy” often equals “not very good.” But this is the beauty of Dallas’s The Valentines: They are rowdy and good. The harmonies are thick and sweet, but the musical atmosphere is as rowdy as a keg party in the county jail. Drummer…
Amici
In Italy, the dish stracciatella might arrive at your table in one of three ways. It can be a type of Mozzarella cheese, a type of ice cream or, as it is served at Amici (16089 City Walk, Town Square, Sugar Land, 281-242-2800), a warm, comforting equivalent of egg-drop soup…
Video Games, Fort Bend ISD, School Suspensions, Astros, Roger Clemens
The local media have been all over the case of the Clements High student suspended by the Fort Bend school district for being a terrorist. The 17-year-old student was placed in an alternative school, and may miss his graduation ceremony, because he made a map of Clements to use in…
Diana Jones
Part of the Austin songwriting community in the mid-1990s before migrating back East, Diana Jones reemerged from a performing hiatus in 2006 and stood the folk-music world on its ear with her stunning My Remembrance of You. Dedicated to her grandfather, who had been in a Knoxville, Tennessee, band with…
Mail Call
Go at the throat: I am bewildered by State Rep. Harvey Hilderbran’s particular interest in snakes [“Reptile Riot,” Hair balls, May 3]. His Extreme Tight-assness clearly has no personal reason to be concerned, nor do any of his Republican colleagues in the State Legislature and Senate — unless such a…
Bissonnet Grill
A funky aroma enveloped our table at the Bissonnet Grill, a new fast-casual eatery on Bissonnet near the corner of Kirby. It smelled like strong cheese, burning. Then it dawned on me. “That’s our cheese panini,” I told my lunchmate. It’s a wonderful thing to find grilled cheese sandwiches made…
Dan Hunter and the MySpace Race
It’s a musical fairy tale: Seventeen-year-old Dan Hunter, a.k.a. PlayRadioPlay!, went from recording demos in his bedroom to getting a record deal and a sweet spot on a major tour, all in about a year and a half. Who was his fairy godmother? MySpace. Three years ago, Hunter, who lives…
BUTTERFLY HIGH’S
Whether you blame the sudden rash of bar closures downtown on HPD, the homeless, or the 1970s architects who decided brown would make a timelessly stylish color for a building, Butterfly High (902 Capitol St, 713-224-6700) stands out as a surprisingly impressive newcomer to the rapidly shrinking playing field that…
SoundExchange Wants to Kill Internet Radio
Other than being musicians from Houston, what do Big Pokey, Mickey Newbury and Lightnin’ Hopkins have in common? Or how about Fever Tree, the Hollisters, Ganksta Nip and Los Skarnales? The answer is that SoundExchange is looking for them in hopes of giving them royalties it has collected on their…
Shrek the Third
Coming out of Shrek the Third, I asked the two smart pre-teen girls I had in tow what they had liked about the picture. Projectile vomiting and multiple farts, they said promptly, best Shrek ever. Ordinarily I’m not big on poop and flatulence, but in this instance I sympathized —…
Summer Concert Survival Guide
Excrement-festooned porta-potties, sun-torched skin touched by the very hand of Lucifer, prices right out of Cold War-era Yugoslavia for bottled water and concert tees you’ll wear once and then use as bedding for your poodle, not to mention a testosterone-fueled bonfire or two. Ah, it must be time for the…
Nol, Nol
he multitalented Nol Coward (English playwright, composer, lyricist, actor, director, producer, superstar) was so circumspect about his gay life, he never mentioned it in his two autobiographies, nor allowed any biographer to hint at it, nor even confessed it in his diaries, except in wishy-washy euphemisms when he described falling…
A Guide to Being Cool
Cinematic Masterwork Tone Loc’s “Funky Cold Medina” figures prominently in the Shrek 3 trailer. Rich Boy’s “Throw Some D’s” already slated for use in Shrek 9, due out in 2025. Crass Jokes Because every freak should have a picture of Shrek’s dick on they wall. Sorry. Seriously And right before…
Stage Capsule Reviews
The Clean House Truly fine in so many ways, Sarah Ruhl’s The Clean House is thrilling, surprising and artful. The lovely comedy/drama actually lives up to all the hype it’s gotten since it was nominated for a Pulitzer Prize in 2005. And the Alley Theatre has created a moving, inventive…
Protest Songs for George W.
On the closing night of the Coachella Festival back in April, in the middle of the California desert, Rage Against the Machine reunited to play a blistering set, forcefully taking back their poli-rock crown. They were gone for seven years to quietly brood with Michael Moore (Zach de la Rocha)…
Guantnamo: Pictures from Home. Questions of Justice
“Get wealth and power beyond your wildest dreams. Help the Anti-Taliban forces rid Afghanistan of murderers and terrorists. “You can receive millions of dollars for helping the Anti-Taliban Force catch Al-Qaida and Taliban murderers. This is enough money to take care of your family, your village, your tribe for the…
Arctic Monkeys’ “Brianstorm”
Here’s the new, corrected, approved, censored-for-no-reason version of Artic Monkeys’; “Brianstorm.” Enjoy. Brian / Top marks for not beep / So kind of you to beep us with your beep / We’re grateful and so strangely beep-ed And I wonder are you beep’ing us under / Cause we can’t take…
Art Capsule Reviews
“Allison Hunter: New Animals” “New Animals” is a continuation of Allison Hunter’s “Simply Stunning” series, which showed at New York’s 511 Gallery last year. The Houston-based photographer’s recent work concentrates largely on animals, and the images reflect a progression toward emancipating creatures from the worldly environment. Sheep and deer inhabit…
Dir En Grey
Japanese rock band Dir En Grey is huge in its home country, and it’s starting to make waves here in the States, despite being way too cool for us. The group is seriously the hippest hard-metal band to hit the Western world in a long time. Originally part of Japan’s…
Mexican American Culture
Dear Mexican, I have no problem with immigrants. My grandparents were Dutch on one side and Irish on the other — but they came here legally, through Ellis Island. What I can’t stand are a bunch of fence-hopping, river-wading illegals telling me I owe them a free education, free healthcare,…
Loudon Wainwright III
If Knocked Up, the spinoff from Steve Carell’s wildly successful 40 Year Old Virgin, follows the same type of script and joke template as 40, I’m willing to bet this will be one of the most popular movie scores of the year. It is doubtful the moviemakers could have picked…
Our top DVD picks for the week of May 17
Army of Shadows: The Criterion Collection (Criterion) Arthur & the Invisibles (Genius) Bill/Bill on His Own (Brentwood) Bunny Whipped (Think) Caddyshack: 20th Anniversary (Warner Bros.) Chasing Liberty (Warner Bros.) Curse of the Zodiac (Lionsgate) The Dead Girl (First Look) Denzel Washington: Spotlight Collection (Universal) ER: The Complete Seventh Season (Warner…
Elliott Smith
Kudos to the Kill Rock Stars label for not trying to capitalize on Elliott Smith’s way too early demise. (Smith died of stab wounds to the chest in October, 2003. It was unclear if the wounds were self-inflicted.) It seems that a lot of posthumous albums are vain attempts made…
Marble Mania
Publisher: Hudson
Platform: Wii
Price: $39.99
ESRB Rating: E (for Everyone)
Score: 7 (out of 10)
Dinosaur Jr.
Dinosaur Jr. made their name by reinventing hard-core punk as revved-up classic rock, an ingenious act of savvy contrarianism that was a key element in the alternative rock explosion of the early ’90s. In part, it was their personalities that made them interesting. The bitter personal conflict between guitarist J…
More Shriek Than Shrek
Pan’s Labyrinth (New Line) Guillermo Del Toro has made a career of mixing slam-bang special effects (Hellboy, Blade II) with creepy atmospheres (Cronos, The Devil’s Backbone). But with Pan’s Labyrinth, he’s used his entire palette for what will likely be remembered as his masterpiece. Mixing Franco’s Spain with fairy tales,…
The Clientele
Brit group The Clientele made their subtle entrance into the collective pop music conscience in 2005 with their second album, Strange Geometry. Dripping with soft arrangements and well-played, classical pop melodies, it showed the group to be inspired without being too dependent on their influences, opting to revere ’60s pop…
Alternate Routes
Stephen Brower, marketing director for Vanguard Records, and I used to write for a defunct online music magazine called Clink. Despite my natural mistrust of music-marketing folks, based on past history, when Brower tells me something “really rocks,” I tend to believe him. And Brower says his recently signed band…
Dan Electro’s Guitar Bar
here are we going?” Liz asks for the third time tonight. “To Dan Electro’s,” I answer. “Dan’s electroded, how did that happen?” she laughs — again — at her own feeble joke. She’s still laughing as we walk in the door of Dan Electro’s Guitar Bar (1031 E. 24th St.,…