35 Bands You Should Never, Ever Search On Google Images

Here at Rocks Off, we take our blog ideas where we can get them – even from mistakes. Allow us to explain.

About a month ago, we went to Rihanna at Toyota Center, and afterward stopped by Jet Lounge to see what was going on because we hadn’t been there in a while. We wound up watching a few swampy ska-pop songs by local three-piece Alligator Assassins, who are now working on their second album, according to the band’s Facebook page.

So when we got into the office that Monday, we wanted to find out more about Alligator Assassins, except we couldn’t quite remember their name. Somehow Rocks Off had gotten in our heads that they were called Alligator Attack, and thus struck out searching for them online – but not before thinking, “I bet it would be really gnarly if we looked up ‘Alligator Attack’ on Google Images.”

Jet GM Amber Chemam eventually gave us the Assassins’ correct name, but by then it was too late. Rocks Off’s brain was already hard at work coming up with the most visually unpleasant band names we could think of.

We’re not kidding about that sign, y’all. Even without any visual representation besides how a couple of these groups have chosen to illustrate their recorded output – thankfully, we have no idea what a picture of an actual “Goatwhore” might look like – what follows is a list of some of the most disturbing, disgusting and just plain offensive band names in history.

Seriously, it’s some pretty sick shit. Obviously, Rocks Off does not advise actually searching any of these names on Google Images; mostly what you’ll get is a bunch of beefy tattooed dudes in dire need of a shower anyway. But the implication is enough. Animal lovers, religious people and those of you who haven’t eaten lunch yet might want to go see what our sister blogs Eating Our Words and Art Attack are up to, or check out Hair Balls’ buffet of Confederate-flag bikinis.

OK, you’ve been warned. Rocks off will tell you that every one of these is a real band name, or was at one point in time. Thanks to Steve Jansen for his suggestions (we think). Now proceed at your own risk.

ANATOMICALLY INCORRECT

Anal Cunt
Dying Fetus
Pregnant Fetus
Puffy Areolas
Peace Corpse
Jerry Seinfeld’s Atrophied Sac*
Ani DiFranco’s Dick
Butt Trumpet
Piston Ass Hammer
Cockpunch
Foot Foot
Butthole Surfers
Nashville Pussy

*Name often altered to lawsuit-dodging spellings such as Jheri Sighnfeldt’s Atropheed Sak.

ANIMAL CRUELTY

AIDS Wolf
Rapeworm*
Goatwhore

Houston’s own.

JUST DON’T

Fag Cop
Janis Joplin Crap ‘N Vomit*
Tony Danza Tap Dance Extravaganza
Fire Party
Drunkdriver
Graveyards
Vegetable
The Gories
Corroded
Napalm Death

* Changed name to JJCnV after receiving a cease-and-desist letter from the Joplin estate.

OH, JESUS!

Christfucker
Vaginal Jesus
Crucifucks

SEX CRIMES

Sister Fucker
Child Pornography
Dry Hump
Child Abuse
Nervous Virgins
Secret Prostitutes*
Sloppy Seconds

* Also Houston’s own.