It may sound silly, but boobs are powerful things. Men are fascinated and entranced by them, while women constantly obsess over their size and shape. In a way, they're not unlike the ring in Lord of the Rings: Capable of both good and evil, depending on who wields them.
Rocks Off spent the better part of the weekend thinking about tits (sad but true) and came up with ten of the most memorable boob and boob-related events in the music industry, listed for your enjoyment below.
10. Lily Allen's Third Nipple: Carrie Underwood talked about hers during her American Idol audition. Mark Wahlberg refers to his as "my prized possession." But neither nipple got the kind of media attention bestowed upon Lily Allen's third, which made its debut in the summer of 2007 on the British Game Show The Friday Night Project, when Allen lowered her top and exposed the mutation in all of its glory. Some have speculated that Allen's supernumerary nipple is now more famous than the British songstress herself, but until said nipple can sing us a song or badmouth other celebrity nipples, we're going to have to respectfully disagree.
9. Lady Gaga: In an interview last summer the singer told London's Daily Mail, "My aim in what I do is to push buttons, make people do a double take...I dress to get people to stare." And if you're Gaga, this goal is easily accomplished by attaching stuff to your tits, like the bra-mounted guns in the video for "Alejandro" (you know, the one where everyone is rocking a haircut like Javier Bardem in No Country for Old Men), or the pyrotechnic apparatus pictured above.
8. Britney Spears' Rolling Stone Cover:While it's hard to imagine today, there was a time when Britney Spears was seen as wholesome and innocent, even despite playing on male fantasies with her Catholic schoolgirl-themed debut video for "Baby One More Time." It was the Lolita-esque April 1999 Rolling Stone cover, featuring the very young pop star lying on a bed wearing little more than a very sexy bra and panties, that first sparked the debate over whether Spears was an appropriate role model for the legions of young girls who worshipped her. The singer would go on to prove that she was, in fact, "not that innocent" with a slew of paparazzi shots of her breasts (and, um, other assets), which seemed hell-bent on escaping whatever article of clothing she happened to be wearing at the time.
7. Lil' Kim's Purple Pasty:It's no secret that MTVs' Video Music Awards are more about the spectacle than the music (a statement that could serve as a slogan for the network in general). We don't remember who performed or what awards went where at the 1999 VMAs, just the way our jaw dropped when the legendary Diana Ross reached out and fondled Lil' Kim's exposed breast with the same level of enthusiasm one might show towards a raw chicken cutlet.
6. Selena's Bustiers: The late Tejano star was fond of wearing high-waisted pants and sparkly bras and bustiers onstage to create the illusion of smaller hips. The mismatched design of her most famous ensemble, pictured above, was actually the result of Selena not having enough jewels on hand to completely cover the bra.
5. Wendy O. Williams' Electrical Tape: Dubbed "The Queen of Shock Rock," Plasmatics front woman Wendy O. Williams did for electrical tape what Robert Smith did for eyeliner. She began obscuring her nipples following several arrests for obscenity and indecency in 1981, and black tape-covered breasts became her trademark feature, and an enduring symbol of defiance for a generation of punk-rock women.
4. Dolly Parton:It's hard not to talk about knockers without mentioning Dolly Parton, or Dolly Parton without mentioning her knockers, which are absolutely freaking humongous. Ever the Southern lady, Parton has always kept them rather modestly covered under fitted dresses and blazers, but doesn't deny the impact they've had on her career (they're rumored to be insured for upwards of $600,000), saying, "I do have big tits. Always had 'em - pushed 'em up, whacked 'em around. Why not make fun of 'em? I've made a fortune with 'em."
3. Katy Perry:Jesus. Where do we begin? Friday's Toyota Center headliner just might have the most talented and versitile mammaries working in showbiz today. They've been made into cupcakes for "Teenage Dream" and wrapped up like Hershey Kisses on the cover of Rolling Stone. They sprayed whipped cream in "California Gurls" and got their revenge on Sesame Street in a Saturday Night Live skit that left us unable to look at sweet little Elmo in quite the same way. And somehow we get the feeling that Katy Perry and her 32DD partners in crime are only getting started, and the worst - or best, depending on your perspective - is yet to come.
2. Madonna's Cone Bra: Personal note: I grew up on a street with four other girls who were around the same age. In elementary school our favorite activity was to choreograph dance routines to the popular music of the day, which would then be performed on roller skates (I know) in the cul-de-sac for our parents, siblings, pets, and anyone else who was unfortunate enough to wander by. I distinctly recall asking my mother for ice cream cones, snow cone cups, anything relatively conical that we could prop up under our shirts for upcoming rolling renditions of "Vogue" and "Express Yourself," saying (allegedly), "You can't do Madonna without spiky bazooms." We were 10 years old and didn't know the iconic pointy Jean Paul Gaultier-designed bra Madge wore during the Blonde Ambition Tour (1990) was a statement on empowered female sexuality - replacing the soft curves of femininity with sharp angles and a totally ripped physique - just that Madonna was our hero, even if she wore her underwear on top of her clothes.
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1. Janet Jackson's Wardrobe Malfunction: At the end of her halftime performance at Reliant Stadium on Feb. 1, 2004, Justin Timberlake ripped off a piece of Janet Jackson's costume revealing her breast and elaborately pierced nipple to millions of viewers around the world. That half-second of nudity, referred to by some as "Nipplegate," resulted in the FCC issuing a $550,000 fine to CBS Broadcasting, and an astronomical increase in the fine for any televised act of indecency, from $27,500 to $325,000 per incident. The NFL banned MTV, who produced the halftime shows in 2001 and 2004, from ever taking part in a Super Bowl again. Some of you may question the placement of the Super Bowl XXXVIII halftime fiasco in the top spot on this list, but the impact Jackson's right boob - seriously, it's just ONE BOOB! - had on censorship in America can still be felt today.
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