Cutout Bin: Nick DiFonzo's New Column

[Ed. Note: This is a new weekly Rocks Off column by Nick DiFonzo, author of Seriously Bad Album Covers and keeper of Enjoy.]

Cutout Bin: Nick DiFonzo's New Column

Ratchell, II (Decca, 1972)

Fake Band Bio (clockwise from top left):

Zach (guitar): Plays well but is always late for practice, and usually shows up stoned. Has a steady girlfriend.

Kelly (vocals/guitar): The lead man. All the ladies want him, but they always seem to leave backstage disappointed. Brings a full-length mirror and hair products on the tour bus.

Tommy (bass): The quiet one. Likes to spend time alone with his instrument and a bottle of chardonnay. Somehow always ends up with all the groupies in his hotel room. Also writes poetry.

Skip (drums): The kid. Got the job when the last drummer took off with a married woman after the Toledo show. Hopes this tour to hook up with one of Kelly's cast-offs, if he can figure out how Tommy does it.

Real Band Bio: Ratchell featured former Steppenwolf guitarist Larry Byrom. The band must not have been very popular, since the only Web pages that even mention Ratchell are lists of groups featuring former Steppenwolf members. I'm not sure whether the name is pronounced "Ray-chell" or "Rat-chell." If I ever say it out loud, I'll go with the latter. - Nick DiFonzo

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