As does our sister blog Eating...Our Words, from time to time Rocks Off will be giving your our picks for the top taverns in various Houston-area neighborhoods. Of course, the lines can be porous, but here anything with a TABC license that cannot reasonably be considered either a restaurant, coffeehouse or live-music venue is fair game.
You guys can just call me this weekend's wing-woman. Don't say I never gave ya anything...
10. NOTSUOH notsuoH is still unabashedly quirky, full of artsy folks, cheap beer, and crazy indie bands cranking out some sweet tunes. Its eclectic nature and the patrons' chill vibe creates the perfect setting to snag that random weekend hookup with no apologies. Just don't pull any bro stuff (please), or you're bound to unseal the deal.
314 Main, 713-409-4750 or notsuoh.com
9. THE NEXT DOOR A legit jukebox, plenty of cheap Lone Star, super-stiff drinks, and some dive bar-loving patrons -- Next Door, which is literally next door to Rudyard's, is a pretty sweet spot to find someone worth spending a little quality after-hours time with. The little bar seems to become full to capacity near 1 a.m., which makes sense. But even if you don't manage to find some amore, the conversation you'll find among the artists, musicians, and other patrons will be well worth the visit anyway.
2020 Waugh, 713-520-1712
8. BARBARELLA Theme nights + dancing your ass off = random hookups, an equation we love to the max. If you're not privy to Barbarella as of yet, you need to become so soon, for the sake of both your love life and your dancing skillz. Trust us -- the drinks are stiff enough that they'll help you overcome your fear of busting a move or two in public.
2404 San Jacinto, barbarellatx.com
List continues on the next page.
7. POISON GIRL Poison Girl is dark and dank, with bright pink highlights and random kitsch everywhere. If you're looking for a pickup spot, it's impossible not to make new friends in a place that gets as packed as this little dive bar does. We've seen many a hookup come out of those beer-soaked close quarters, so chat away, singles. As a side note? Poison Girl has Sofia's in a can -- adult juice boxes for the win, all day every day.
1641 Westheimer, 713-527-9929, twitter.com/poisongirlbar
6. BOONDOCKS Boondocks, with its damn-The-Man attitude and sweet dance music, is only like the greatest place ever to find someone to take you home tonight. It's always crowded with folks who are ready to party, and straight don't give a damn about your credentials. Just jump on in there and get on down with your bad self. You won't regret it.
1417 Westheimer, 713-522-8500, facebook.com/boondocks.houston
5. PUB FICTION This place is nicknamed "Pub Friction" for a reason. We have witnessed many random pairings that have sprung from this trendy little Midtown pub, and we know you have too. We've never seen this bar not packed -- perhaps it's a bit of the music blaring from the cover bands, a bit of the sports that blare from the zillions of TV's, and a whole lot of the alcohol that Pub Fiction bleeds from the walls. So to recap? Friction, booze, music, sports, and best of all: hookups.
2303 Smith, 713-400-8400, pubfiction.com
List continues on the next page.
4. SOUTH BEACH South Beach, the biggest and baddest of the gay bars on the Montrose strip, is home to plenty of well-cultivated and well-coiffed hookups. But we suppose that's just par for the course, when you pair hundreds of tanned and toned dance machines with a plethora of bars and plenty of dancing adrenaline. South Beach is a virtual runway for peacocks to strut their stuff, with plenty of single chicks hangin' out at too, guys.
810 Pacific, 713-529-7623, southbeachthenightclub.com
3. THE DOGWOOD Any place that boasts a Sunday Funday like The Dogwood does, with its multiple decks and uber-packed bars, is bound to be a hookup utopia. Although we've never been personally blessed by the Dogwood's hookup gods, we've heard many an anecdote about them. But even if it's all silly boasting, you can't go wrong with those patios or the massive amount of alcohol you'll find at Dogwood, so go. Now.
2403 Bagby, 281-501-9075, thedogwoodmidtown.com
2. MONARCH AT HOTEL ZAZA Hotel bars do wonders for the hookup soul...so we hear, anyway. Zaza is full of pretty people, pretty drinks, and apparently lots of pretty hookups, too. Makes sense to us, since Zaza is a pretty sexy place all on its own, where the hookup whispers merely add to the allure. It's definitely a hotel bar we can get down with.
5701 Main, 713-526-1991, hotelzazahouston.com
Houston's top hookup spot on the next page. Excited?
1. THE GATSBY The Gatsby, or the bar formerly known as The Drake, is the top dog when it comes to bar hookups. How could it not be, though? Those walls have stories, we tell you.
From the bottles of Grey Goose to the Washington corridor club's big-baller, shot-caller vibe, the entire place is set up to help a brother (or a sister, of course) out. The staircase is made for struttin', the line is made for boasting, and the picky door guy is made for tippin', cause he holds the golden key to your bar hookup. If you can make it past the hallowed gates, you've won the game, dude. You can thank us later.
1902 Washington, 713-869-8333, drakehouston.com
ROCKS OFF'S GREATEST HITS
We Believe Local Journalism is Critical to the Life of a City
Engaging with our readers is essential to the mission of the Houston Press. Make a financial contribution or sign up for a newsletter, and help us keep telling Houston’s stories with no paywalls.
Support Our Journalism