Ask Willie D 12/24/2015

MY EX WANTS TO HOOK UP

Dear Willie D:

My issue isn’t as bad as some of the others you respond to, but I was wondering if you could help me out anyway. My ex broke up with me about three months ago for no reason and started dating some douchebag she met at a party.

I heard from a mutual friend that he dumped her two weeks ago. Now she’s texting me saying she misses me and wants to catch up. The thing is I hate what she did, but I still have feelings for her. Not deep feelings, just feelings. I want to have sex with her one more time for closure. What should I do?

Loving Feelings:

I don’t think closure sex is a good idea to get over your ex. It’ll only remind you of what you’re missing out on, and make it harder to move on. Finding someone else to have sex with is a much better idea.

I RESENT BEING WITH MY HUSBAND WHEN I COULD HAVE MARRIED INTO MONEY

Dear Willie D:

I have control issues brought on by my inability to fully accept my husband. I snap at the slightest things because I don’t feel that he is doing enough for our family financially. I married him because he’s a nice guy, and he’s honest. He’s even a good father.

But when I think about all the trips, vacations, and shopping that I miss out on because we don’t have enough disposable income, I start to resent the fact that I married him when I had my choice of a number of men with money. Sometimes I want to just end it all and leave, but I feel stuck.

I’m 20 pounds overweight and three kids late. That’s not too appealing to a man of means. I’ll probably never get divorced, so how do I deal with being with, and trying to love, a man that I resent?

3 Kids Late:

Talk to your husband about your feelings. There’s a chance he also resents you for being so demanding. If both of you guys are willing, I suggest you participate in marriage counseling. You had three kids together. That’s a lot of lovemaking, sharing and caring, so there has to be something there you can build off of.

Best wishes. I hate to see marriages fall apart, especially over money.

HOW CAN I BE CONFIDENT WITHOUT BEING COCKY?

Dear Willie D:

I’m a 32-year-old go-getter with a degree in marketing who works in the food industry. I have been told by some of my colleagues that I’m cocky. I like to say, I’m not cocky, I’m confident.

I’m called out for being cocky so much that it’s gotten to the point where I walk into our weekly marketing meetings with a chip on my shoulder. Today, I was told by a colleague that my boss and supervisor had a discussion about possibly letting me go because of my attitude. This despite the fact that I am a top producer.

What’s strange is that my boss actually told me he likes that I’m passionate and fight for my ideas. But others see my passion as being too self-assured. I don’t like it when people call me cocky. Now I think it may cost me my job. How can I be confident without being cocky?

Cocky Marketer:

Early in my rap career, I had Superman Syndrome. I thought I could do anything. If there was ever a disagreement, even with the owner of the record label, I had to get the last word. There isn’t enough time in the day to tell you how many opportunities I missed because I confused being real with reality.

While being real might get you a few admirers, the reality is, being too real won’t get you far. Very few people who are in a position of power will help an arrogant person. Here’s how I learned to be confident without being cocky:

The first thing you need to do is acknowledge your strengths and limitations. Cocky people are incapable of this because they think they know everything, and can do anything.
When you mess up, don’t be afraid to admit your mistakes or apologize for being wrong. Confident people take ownership of their faults. Cocky people pass the buck.
Be approachable. Cocky people are often intimidating, which leads to missed opportunities and advancements in life.

In a nutshell, confidence is inward, when you tell yourself you’re the shit. Cocky is outward, when you tell others you’re the shit.

DO RICH PEOPLE HAVE A MORAL OBLIGATION TO HELP THE POOR?

Dear Willie D:

In this election cycle there’s been a great deal of conversation about the redistribution of wealth, which I disagree with. But I do agree that those of us with more should try to help the ones with less.

I’m not rich, but I’m not poor either. I’m willing to make some form of sacrifice to help those among us who are not as well-off. But what’s realistic considering I only make $160K per year?

Willing to help:

I think you give what you can, and what’s in your heart. Ultimately, the rich don’t have a moral obligation to help the poor. We all have an obligation to help each other.

But if the rich were obligated to help the poor, it wouldn’t be any skin off their backs because whatever the poor get from the rich they will eventually give back to them anyway. I consider that a win-win.

Ask Willie D anything at askwillied.com, and come back next Thursday for more of his best answers.