The Rocks Off Rodeo Concert Guide is our annual helpful(?) primer for those of you unsure about your HLSR music choices for the big event at Reliant Stadium.
Date: March 15
Name: Blake Shelton
AKA: “Mr. Miranda Lambert”
What Kind of Music Is It? Reality country.
Have I Heard Any of His Songs? You may know him from such songs as “Hillbilly Bone” or “Some Beach,” in which case you have our pity.
Does He Know What “The Shocker” Is? You know he does.
Appropriate Controlled Substance(s) for Pre-Show Raging? 3.2 beer and a tack hammer.
Can I Wear My Affliction T-Shirt? Oh, give it a rest. Rodeo’s almost over.
Will There Be Chicks There? Shelton’s pretty popular with the ladies, though nowadays they probably want to use him to meet Adam Lambert.
Will We Get into a Fight? Sure. Miranda’s bound to be hanging around there somewhere.
Best Song(s) to Leave to Take a Dump? “She Wouldn’t Be Gone, God Gave Me You.”
Check Out the Show or Stay Home and Watch The Voice? At least with The Voice you get at least two dozen gratuitous Christina Aguilera cleavage shots.
This article appears in Mar 14-20, 2013.
