Date: March 7
Name: The Jonas Brothers
AKA: “JOOOOOOOOOOOOOE!!!!!!!”
Genre: Parent-approved pop
Best Known Song(s): “Burnin’ Up,” “SOS,” “Lick My Love Pump”
Key Demographic: Daughters of women who swooned over Duran Duran, themselves the offspring of rabid Monkees fans…the circle of vaguely androgynous pop idolatry continues.
Previous HLSR Appearances: 2009
Houston Connections, If Any: Chris Gray’s favorite movie is Camp Rock [Ed. Note: He’s not lying.]
If You Like This, Chances Are You’ll Like: Under the bra/over the panties, Harbor Mist, reruns of the Krofft Superstar Hour
Odds of Wearing a Hat: <10%
Because He/She’s Bald? Nope. If they wear hats, it’ll be a brief, non-ironic donning of a borrowed Resistol to show they “get” their Texas fans. Otherwise the curly locks will flow freely.
Odds of Onstage Injury: Have the two remaining celibate ones exploded yet? If not, 75%.
Odds Their Set Will Be Inaudible Due to Adolescent Screeching: 90-95%
This article appears in Mar 4-10, 2010.
