Some songs are catchy as hell, yet if you’re one of those people who sometimes unconsciously sings out loud to yourself in public, there are some you’ll want to avoid. Here are a few tunes which, when sung aloud, may inspire anything from fearful glances to vicious beatings.
1. The Vandals, “Viking Suit”
Subject: Friendly neighborhood photographer prefers subjects which society considers inappropriate.
He likes to take the little boys
Walking home from school
In his neighborhood
Take them to his studio
And dress them up in Viking suits
Come here little boy!
2. The Misfits, “Last Caress”
Subject: Speaks for itself.
I’ve got something to say
I killed your baby today
And it doesn’t matter much to me
As long as it’s deadI’ve got something to say
I raped your mother today
And it doesn’t matter much to me
As long as she spread
3. Ween, “Flies On My Dick”
Subject: It’s kind of hard to tell.
Oh sweet mindfuck lady
Please love me like you do
Plagued by an image of days long gone
Flies on my dick
4. The Weather Girls, “It’s Raining Men”
Subject: The Lord works in mysterious ways. (Note: if you’re a straight woman or a gay man, you shouldn’t have any problems singing this in public, and we’re fine with that. Everyone else will want to think twice.)
It’s raining men! Hallelujah, it’s raining men! Amen!
I’m gonna go out to run and let myself get
Absolutely soaking wet!
Of course, if you’re a straight man and you absolutely must sing it, you can sing the gender/sexuality-neutral version offered by comedian Patrice O’ Neal.
5. Nine Inch Nails, “Closer”
Subject: Trent Reznor enjoys sex.
I want to fuck you like an animal
I want to feel you from the inside
I want to fuck you like an animal
My whole existence is flawed
You get me closer to God
6. Gary Puckett & the Union Gap, “Young Girl”
Subject: Gary begs a young girl to run away before his hormones take over and he changes, werewolf-like, into a statutory rapist.
So hurry home to your Mama
I’m sure she wonders where you are
Get out of here before I have the time to change my mind
‘Cause I’m afraid we’ll go too far, oh
Young girl, get out of my mind
My love for you is way out of line
Better run, girl,
You’re much too young, girl
7. Lard, “Can God Fill Teeth?”
Subject: Sometimes the government sticks electronic spying implants inside the fillings in your teeth, and when that happens, you gotta man up and take care of it.
Where’s the pliers, goddammit?!
Where’s the pliers?!
Wilma! Where’d you put my electric drill?
This is all coming out now – TODAY!Agh! Agh! Agh!
Agh! Agh! Agh!
Agh! Agh! Agh!
8. Mighty Mighty Bosstones, “High School Dance”
Subject: A high-school revenge fantasy with a higher body count than Columbine.
Hello world, remember me?
I’m the sad little fuck that you failed to see
Who you should have recognized when you had the chance
Hello motherfuckers now its time to dance
Hello Mom and Dad
Is this a bad time? If it is, too bad
See the reason that I’m disturbing you both
I’m settling scores
You fucked me up bad
This dance is yours
9. Motorhead, “Jailbait”
Subject: Lemmy does not card.
Teenage baby you’re a sweet young thing
Still tied to Mommy’s apron strings
I don’t even dare to ask your age
It’s enough to know you’re here backstage
You’re jailbait, and I just can’t wait
Jailbait baby, come on
10. Death Cab For Cutie, “I Will Possess Your Heart”
Subject: Persistent suitor isn’t going to let things like “refusal,” “restraining orders” and “pepper spray” get in the way of true love.
There are days when, outside your window,
I see my reflection as I slowly pass
And I long for this mirrored perspective,
when we’ll be lovers, lovers at last.You gotta spend some time love
You gotta spend some time with me
And I know that you’ll find love
I will possess your heart
Honorable Mention: David Allan Coe had two underground albums he released as novelties which were full of songs you wouldn’t want to be caught singing aloud, such as “I Made Linda Lovelace Gag,” “Fuckin’ In the Butt” and, of course, “Nigger Fucker.”
Feel free to look those lyrics up yourself. We’re not going to reprint them or even link to them because we like our jobs, thanks.
This article appears in Jul 15-21, 2010.