The 2014 Houston Texans have a new coach, new players, new hope and the same dedicated fan base of Houston-based rappers. As in years past, they took to Twitter on game day to comment on the home team’s gridiron action.

And, as in years past, Rocks Off spent Sunday afternoon reading their tweets, just like Johnny Manziel spent his reading a playbook. Ryan Mallet was promoted to starting quarterback for the contest in Cleveland, and he wasted no time taking the Browns to the super bowl by flushing away their dreams of a win and giving Texans fans something to smile about. Here’s how the game was broken down by the rappers and by the numbers:

10. Alfred Blue, 36 Carries. 156 Yards

9. Andre Johnson, 7 Receptions. 68 Yards. One Welcomed Return to Relevance

8. Cleveland Browns. Two 2014 Losses at Home. One Against the Texans. No Respect

7. CBS’s Talking Heads. Six Speakers. One Headache

6. Brian Cushing. Brian Hoyer. Two Brians Enter, One Nearly Leaves On a Stretcher

5. Number 15. One Big Arm. One Career Start. One Career Win

More tweets on the next page.

4. J.J. Watt: One-Man Wrecking Crew

3. Two Roughing the Kicker Penalites for No. 99. No One is Perfect. And +1 To @DJAudiTory For The #killingmeSmalls Blast

2. One Final Defensive Stance Recalls One Blast From The Past

1. From 7/20/71 to June 27 to 11/16/00, H-Town Never Forgets. #respect #RIPScrew

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This article appears in Nov 13-19, 2014.

Jesse’s been writing for the Houston Press since 2013. His work has appeared elsewhere, notably on the desk of the English teacher of his high school girlfriend, Tish. The teacher recognized Jesse’s...