The 2014 Houston Texans have a new coach, new players, new hope and the same dedicated fan base of Houston-based rappers. As in years past, they took to Twitter on game day to comment on the home team’s gridiron action.

And, as in years past, Rocks Off read their tweets more thoroughly and efficiently than Tony Romo Ryan Fitzpatrick reads defenses. ‘Murica’s Team eaked out a win in overtime and gave Cowboy fans in nearby Dallas suburbs like San Antonio and Michoacan, Mexico something to brag about. Their myopia notwithstanding, here’s how H-town’s rappers saw the game:

10. We Don’t Really Hate the Cowboys — Just Cowboys Fans

9.Insert Mandatory Ebola Joke Here:

8. Lose the Game, Win the Fights

7. Texans O Is the “Butt” of Jokes

6. All Arian and Only Arian, All Day

5. J.J. Is Human After All. Maybe.

More tweets on the next page.

4. Confucius Say…

3. An Old Friend Checks In at Crunch Time…

2. Cowboys 20, Texans 17

1. Yes, This Game Was That Good…

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This article appears in Oct 2-8, 2014.

Jesse’s been writing for the Houston Press since 2013. His work has appeared elsewhere, notably on the desk of the English teacher of his high school girlfriend, Tish. The teacher recognized Jesse’s...