The 2014 Houston Texans have a new coach, new players, new hope and the same dedicated fan base of Houston-based rappers. As in years past, they took to Twitter on game day to comment on the home team’s gridiron action.

And, as in years past, Rocks Off read their tweets more thoroughly and efficiently than Ryan Fitzpatrick reads defenses. Once again, the Texans pulled the okey-doke on fans, supplying just enough false hope for three quarters to make an ultimate loss sting all the more. This time, Mark Sanchez — yes, that Mark Sanchez — led the Philadelphia Eagles to a 31-21 victory, leaving the Texans to literally limp into the bye week at 4-5 (Get well soon, Arian…and Kareem…and J.Jo…and Cush…and Clowney…)

10. When Mark Sanchez Chunks a 50-Yard Completion Against You On His First Play of the Game

9. The Struggle Is Real

8. DJAudiTory Is an Optimist #silverlinings

7. What It Feels Like to Make 70,000 People Stand and Cheer #thingsArianknows

6. Not a Line In the Lennon Song, But Should Have Been

5. Listen to Willie D, Fitz — He Gives the Best Advice!

More tweets on the next page.

Objective Opinion From Mr. Roethlisberger

4. Fitzpatrick’s Favorite Is Becoming a Fan Favorite Too

3. Truth

2. No Bragging Rights This Week In Texas

1. DJAudiTory Is a Realist

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This article appears in Oct 30 – Nov 5, 2014.

Jesse’s been writing for the Houston Press since 2013. His work has appeared elsewhere, notably on the desk of the English teacher of his high school girlfriend, Tish. The teacher recognized Jesse’s...