The 2014 Houston Texans have a new coach, new players, new hope and the same dedicated fan base of Houston-based rappers. As in years past, they took to Twitter on game day to comment on the home team’s gridiron action.

And, as in years past, Rocks Off read their tweets more thoroughly and efficiently than Tony Romo reads defenses. Here are the best of the bunch in a victory edition of Rapper Tweets following the good guys’ 30-16 throttling of the hapless Tennessee Titans. No shit-talkin’ allowed.

10. O-Line 101: Protect the Quarterback

9. A Win Is a Win. But It’s as Good as Two When the Colts Also Lose.

8. When the Score Reminds You of Cortland Finnegan, That’s a Stone Cold Beatdown

7. The No. 1 Draft Pick Returns to Action!

6. Arian Should Always Be the First Option In This Offense. Period.

5. You Weren’t Dreaming, Mr. Luke

More rapper tweets on the next page.

4. For One, Mike Mohamed Stepped Up.

3. J.J. Watt Is Jim Thorpe’s Improved Reincarnation

2. Texans Rolled Like METRO

1. Been So Thirsty This Month. C’mon Tuesday!

This article appears in Oct 23-29, 2014.

Jesse’s been writing for the Houston Press since 2013. His work has appeared elsewhere, notably on the desk of the English teacher of his high school girlfriend, Tish. The teacher recognized Jesse’s...