The 2014 Houston Texans have a new coach, new players, new hope and the same dedicated fan base of Houston-based rappers. As in years past, they took to Twitter on game day to comment on the home team’s gridiron action.

And, as in years past, Rocks Off read their tweets more thoroughly and efficiently than Tony Romo reads defenses. Here are the best of the bunch from an opening-day victory against the Washingtons.

10. First Texans Fail of the Season

9. Early Assessment of Ryan Fitzpatrick’s Play

8. Coulda Happened In the Club; Actually Happened In the Stadium #blockedpunt #gamechanger @AlfredBlue4

7. Torn Meniscus, Out 4-6 Weeks

6. True. Especially that play where D.J. Swearing Words blew up RGIII. #letemplay

5. OG Ron C

More tweets on the next page.

4. Kickers Get No Respect

3. Obligatory Smackdown of the Cowboys When the Texans Win

2. More Schadenfreude

1. One Down, 15 To Go #tasty

ROCKS OFF’S GREATEST HITS

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This article appears in Sep 4-10, 2014.

Jesse’s been writing for the Houston Press since 2013. His work has appeared elsewhere, notably on the desk of the English teacher of his high school girlfriend, Tish. The teacher recognized Jesse’s...