This Week's Best Concerts

I recently rewatched the film High Fidelity. Remember that one? John Cusack stars as the owner of an indie record store in Chicago, and he and his coworkers love to argue about music minutiae and make Top Five lists. So with this music geek inspiration fresh in my mind, here is my list de jour: Top Five Worst Songs by Best Bands (Rolling Stones, Beatles, Led Zeppelin, Pink Floyd and The Who).

1. Rolling Stones – “She’s So Cold” As disc jockey Colonel St. James once said, “Gee, Mick, what did you spend on the lyrics? Five minutes?”

2. Beatles – “Wild Honey Pie” The White Album (aka The Beatles) has several duds over its four sides, but this one takes the cake, er, pie. How high was Paul McCartney when he put this one together? And, in the cold, gray light of dawn, why didn’t he realize it was a piece of shit? At 52 seconds, it’s still too long.

3. Led Zeppelin – “Carouselambra” Too many synths, not enough guitar, inscrutable lyrics. Definitely a low point as the band began to crumble.

4. Pink Floyd – “Several Species of Furry Animals Gathered Together in a Cave and Grooving with a Pict” I am tempted to list the entire Final Cut album, as it represents Roger Waters at his most Roger Waters-y, but the nod here must go to this collection of sound effects from Ummagumma. For the curious, picts lived in northern Britain, near the Firth of Forth, during the Middle Ages. For the even more curious, the Firth of Forth is an estuary where several Scottish rivers meet before emptying into the North Sea.

5. The Who – “Fiddle About” Aside from the subject matter (child molestation), this short tune from Tommy earns its spot on the list by virtue of the fact that it contains lyrics typical of Who bassist John Entwistle. Too literal and sounding like they were inspired by a rhyming dictionary. Oh, and the phrase “fiddle about” is used 22 times over the course of the song’s one minute and 32 seconds.

Ticket Alert

Megan Thee Stallion has added a second show to her engagement at Toyota Center. The first show sold out quickly, so the Houston rapper will also be performing on Saturday, June 15, with GloRilla opening. Better move fast, though, as these tickets for show number two are on sale right now.

Another Meghan (different spelling, but what the hey) will be coming to Houston this fall. This time, it’s Meghan (“All About That Bass”) Trainor at the Cynthia Woods Mitchell Pavilion on Sunday, October 13. Tickets are on sale now, with a decent selection available, if you are in search of “all the right junk in all the right places.”

Nu-metal pioneers Korn have just announced an autumnal tour, which will stop at the Cynthia Woods Mitchell Pavilion on Sunday, October 20. Gojira and Spiritbox will open. Presales and VIP packages are available now, with the general sale beginning on Friday.

And a sad note: Willie Nelson’s Fourth of July picnic will not be held in Texas this year. Instead, Willie will ring in the nation’s birthday in Philadelphia. Philadelphia? To quote Hank Hill, “That’s not right!”

Concerts This Week

This Just In: Crash Test Dummies have postponed their show scheduled for this evening at the Dosey Doe. Management says that a new date will be announced soon.

Speaking of postponed shows, Madonna will perform on Thursday and Friday at Toyota Center after delaying a pair of shows initially scheduled for last fall. However, it hasn’t been all smooth sailing since Madge recovered from the health issues that put her Celebration Tour on hold. In December, the Material Girl was slapped with a lawsuit after a concert in Brooklyn started two hours late.

Two hours? That’s it? I remember a ZZ Top show at the Summit that got underway four hours after the posted time. In the old days, the Stones wouldn’t even wake Keith up until after the opening band had finished its set. However, in the interest of perspective, I will dredge up two relevant quotes. Evelyn Waugh said, “Punctuality is the virtue of the bored.” Conversely, William Shakespeare said, “Better three hours early than a minute too late.” So take your pick, but for the record, Madonna’s Toyota Center shows are slated to begin at 8:30 p.m.

Though the line has generally been uttered in connection with a certain other band, it has been a long, strange trip for Al Jorgensen and Ministry. When the band started out in Chicago over 40 years ago, its sound might have been described as “new wave.” Since then, Ministry has lurched in a heavier, industrial direction, with albums like The Land of Rape and Honey, A Mind is a Terrible Thing to Taste and Dark Side of the Spoon. The band will be on stage Friday at the House of Blues, with Gary Numan (“Cars”) opening.

Big Bad Voodoo Daddy is a cool name for a band. But front man Scotty Morris didn’t think it up. The name was bestowed by Houston blues guitarist Albert Collins, who autographed a poster for Morris with the salutation, “To Scotty, the big, bad voodoo daddy.” When Morris later formed a band, the choice of name was obvious. You can catch BBVD on Tuesday at the Heights Theater.