WTF Island

Tubby Chubcakes' Lyrics Will Melt Your Brain

Rocks Off was going to write a review of the new Tubby Chubcakes album, Tubby vs. The Musical Brain-Eating Disease, but honestly it's kind of like trying to explain Scientology to a blind water snake.

Remember Tubby's video "Destroy Nickelback with Lasers!?" It's a lot more of that. A lot. Basically, if you took an especially verbose surrealist slam poet and gave him a sick combination of metal, punk, Butthole Surfers, a mask, and a fixation with setting pop stars on fire (and otherwise causing them bodily harm and/or humiliation) to prevent the short-circuiting of reality, this is exactly what you'd get.

Except you'd be too late, as far as that whole short-circuiting reality thing goes. This dude's words are fried. Since Rocks Off does not have the proper professional credentials to adequately analyze Tubby's lyrics - and frankly, we doubt there's anyone who does - we're just going to quote them and let you draw your own bunny.

"Miley Cyrus had a farm. AIDS! AIDS! AIDS!"

"I am the great beef hunter!"

"Open up a can. Pour it in the pan. I will make Justin Bieber. I will make some chicken soup, yum."

"I will gargle with some bleach"

"Hey Hoss Factor, I got you a present. It's a symbol of our friendship. It's a robotic Cindy Crawford. We can use it to prank call the White House."

"Moon my cow. Moon a defenseless child. Moon an old lady. Moon yourself."

"Shave Lady Gaga's head. Nothing could be more true and just than to shave Lady Gaga's. I know what you're thinking. Lady Gaga will just put on a wig. I will glue a large object to her head, like a microwave."

"This bug is in my pantalones. You will die. You will die."

"I would give anything to be your dum dum cakes."

"I was born naked. Take off your pants. We were born this way. The planet is doomed."

"First, you must lock Katy Perry in a port-a-potty for all eternity."

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Jef Rouner (not cis, he/him) is a contributing writer who covers politics, pop culture, social justice, video games, and online behavior. He is often a professional annoyance to the ignorant and hurtful.
Contact: Jef Rouner