Note: God bless them, our friends at Miami New Times music blog Crossfade braved the EDM-infested waters of the Ultra Music Festival this past weekend. Follow their entire exploits over here, but we thought we’d give you a little taste. This article was written by Kat Bein.
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| All photos by Kat Bein and Gretchen Schroeder |
Ultra Music Festival is nothing if not gnarly. The beats are gnarly, the people are gnarly, the portable toilets are gnarly. It’s stank-face city, bro.
But even more than the sight of no toilet paper, it’s those dirty beats — dutch, dub, or otherwise — that make us twist our faces like ancient Japanese samurai paintings.
Because we love a good drop as much as the next fiend, we’re paying homage to all of Ultra Music Festival’s magical moments with a series of epic bass-face pics. This is exactly what you fools sitting at home missed.
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This must have only been a half-drop, because we’re only seeing half a tongue.
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These beats make Chief Wampum into ugly beast.
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Shocked, excited, confused, afraid, bassssss…
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Wooooooooooooooooooooooooooo.
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Couples who bass together, face together. Or something.
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We asked him to do his best impression of a snake unhinging its jaw.
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Feels good, bro. Feeeeeels gooooood.
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Here’s this dude lookin’ not unlike an overly caffeinated gerbil.
More faces on the next page.
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The official face of every Florida State fan.
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Make sure you don’t miss the guy behind him.
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For all my ladies, this is how we get buck wild.
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Effin’ Miley Cyrus ain’t got nothin’ on this crowd.
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A bitch with bite is always tight.
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This motherfucker right here, tho.
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Hey, guuurl…when can we smoke your headband?.
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Chick so cool she coulda walked out of a Whitesnake video.
More faces on the next page.
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This is actually the most accurate depiction of the average fan at UMF that you’ll ever see.
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But what does she do with all three of those tongue piercings?
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No doubt, this dude is always the life of the party.
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Her der, tern dern fer wert?
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He’s too bassed to actually look excited anymore.
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Captain PLUR sailing the ragin’ high seas of sound waves.
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Nice hair. Better tongue.
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A very bassed bromance.
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Pretty sure our brains are broken.
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This article appears in Mar 27 – Apr 2, 2014.
