The University of Houston is having a contest, and you are invited to enter. The Cougar merchandise store inside the Athletics/Alumni Center has been taken over by Barnes & Noble, and will henceforth no longer be known as Cougar Authentic. Thus, the university is seeking your input as to a new name for the store. Of course, being me, I’ve got a few suggestions.
1. The Mack Daddy Shop. In honor athletic director Mack Rhoades.
2. Heismans “R” Us. Just in case QB Case Keenum doesn’t get the national attention he deserves this season. And if there’s any QB in the NCAA who deserves the attention, it’s Keenum.
3. Out of Stock. Come on, it’s Barnes & Noble. Since when do they ever have anything but Twilight crap?
4. The Parking Stop. Maybe if you tell the commuters they can get some
parking passes there, they’ll buy some UH merchandise.
5. The
Longhorn Store. In honor of all of those assholes who like to walk
around the UH campus wearing UT colors, logos, and gear.
6.
Kevin’s Place. Come on in and pick up the same polo shirts worn by Kevin
Sumlin and his staff on the sidelines.
7. Your Name Here. For
the right price, you too can have your name on a UH building.
8.
Rebecca’s Boutique. BMC founder and former San Diego Padres owner John
Moores and his wife Rebecca contributed the money that was used to pay
for the Athletic/Alumni Center. Then John decided to cheat
on Rebecca. And Rebecca filed for divorce. I’m sure if you check
the divorce papers you’ll see that she got the merchandise store as part
of the divorce.
9. Coaches’ Paradise. Hey, Mack Rhoades had to
buy out a lot of contracts this past year, primarily those of Tom
Penders and Rayner Noble, and he’s got to get that money from somewhere.
10.
Clyde’s Glide. Did you know Clyde Drexler had a sports merchandise shop
at IAH? Did you know it’s almost impossible to find UH stuff there? No
fear, he’s been saving all of that stuff for the campus location.
11.
Tier One: The Merchandise Store. Hey, if the school wants to be Tier
One so bad, they could start with the merchandise store.
12.
University of Houston Athletic Store, University Park. In honor of when
the central campus was known as University of Houston, University Park.
13.
The Houston Dynamo Shop. Hey, at least Dynamo fans actually go to games
at Robertson Stadium.
14. Carl’s Collection. No hurdle too high,
no jump too long for the staff of a merchandise store named after UH
track great Carl Lewis.
15. Randy Quaid’s Extra Special
Memorabilia Store. UH grad Randy Quaid has lots
of legal bills to pay, so along with UH merchandise, step on up and
buy some of Cousin
Eddie’s leftover clothing.
16. Nantz’s Nooks. Walk into a store named after UH grad Jim Nantz.
Then immediately fall asleep as Nantz’s exciting calls of The Masters
are piped throughout the store.
17. Shasta’s Shack. In honor, of
course, of the school’s mascot Shasta.
18. The Fundraising Shop.
Not only can you find UH athletic merchandise, but now you can buy that
overpriced KUHT merchandise without having to sit through one of the
countless fundraising drives.
19. Flat Tires. I swear that I’m
going to get a flat tire from all of the potholes I have to dodge on
Cullen while trying to reach the Athletics/Alumni Center, Hofheinz
Pavilion, or Robertson Stadium.
20. The University Store. Yeah,
it’s kind of boring. But it makes sense.
Joking aside, if you’re
interested in the entering the contest, just click here.
You have until July 23 to submit an entry. The winner will receive $100
in merchandise and four tickets to a 2010 Cougar football game.
This article appears in Jun 24-30, 2010.
