I am not an NFL Draft expert. How's that for unbridled confidence? Right out of the shoot, in a live blog for the NFL Draft, a host of a sports talk show is admitting that he's not an expert at something sports related, let alone the thing at which he's about to live blog.
If you're looking for loose hips, closing speed, ability to play in a zone or man, arm slot, and analysis of how players are at the point of attack, you have NOT come to the right place. If you're looking for some solid analysis on whether or not teams filled needs, along with incredibly in-depth analysis on suits, families in green rooms, butchered interviews, Mel Kiper's hair, Chris Berman's chins, and the Texans' addiction to Colorado State Rams, well WELCOME IN!!
The 2011 NFL Draft begins tonight at 7:00 PM. My live blog will begin around 6:00 PM.
Let's get it on!!
6:16 -- All right, ready to get started. You are looking live at Wild Wing Cafe in Katy, TX! It's one thing to be a two sport star (radio and print). It's another to do both at the same time, that's exactly what we're trying to pull off tonight! Let's see how it goes. Spilled Diet Coke from scrambling to grab a mic while I type to all of you is -250 on my big board.
6:33 -- My favorite big board I got from a Texans fan today in an email to my show came from Tim in Cypress:
Texans Big Board
1. Eenie 2. Meenie 3. Miney 4. Mo
6:42 -- I just went on the record saying that I want the Texans to trade up and get Denver's number two overall selection. I don't care if they have to overpay to get it. Max out the draft pick credit card. Get Von Miller. Ask questions later. We've taken enough of Denver's table scraps over the years, it's about time they actually give us something of value. Like my dad used to work at UConn a few years ago. Every year he'd empty out his drawer full of UConn clothes and he'd give me twenty things I'll never wear, but there was always at least one thing that I really liked and that looked good on me. Basically, Denver is my dad and the Texans are me and it's high time they give us some really cool UConn shit.
7:04 -- Roger Goodell welcomes everybody to the draft, and goes with the "kiss everyone's ass" approach of "Let's get back to football!" Whatever.
7:05 -- And there it is! Hide yo' wife, hide yo' kids, hide yo' laptop, Carolina! Cam Newton is the pick! Somewhere last year's second round pick Jimmy Clausen is driving around Charlotte with "Just Once" by James Ingram playing on the radio, Last American Virgin style....I did my beeeessst...but I guess my best wasn't good enough....
7:06 -- My son, Sammy, just predicted Marcel Dareus at two to Denver until he saw Von Miller's agent on the phone on television and changed his mind. My son is gifted in draft watching.
7:07 -- Hoot hoot! Von Miller just went to Denver at two. Can't wait till he's a Texan in 2019.
7:24 -- Marcel Dareus from Alabama goes to Buffalo and AJ Green from Georgia goes to Cincinnati. Right now if you're a contrarian to the "SEC plays the best football" argument, you're getting pummeled like Jack Bauer being interrogated by the Chinese. No curveballs so far either. If the draft were sex, this draft is straight up missionary position so far.
7:30 -- Texan fans in the Wild Wing Cafe are all screaming for the Texans to trade up to five and get Patrick Peterson of LSU. Um, if this draft is missionary position, Gary Kubiak is not gonna be the one to trade up and make it all freaky....and oh, Arizona just took Peterson for themselves.
7:34 -- Atlanta just traded up to the sixth pick with Cleveland and gave up a boatload of picks. The Falcons then take Julio Jones, and I am taking the over in every Falcons game.
7:35 -- Just showed a close up of Julio Jones, and immediately my first thought is "I wonder how good the Falcons dental plan is..."
7:43 -- First "Holy shit!" moment of the draft as Missouri's Aldon Smith just went to San Francisco and new coach Jim Harbaugh. Pretty much everyone here at Wild Wing and the Chronicle's John McClain had Smith going to the Texans. Somewhere McClain is rocking back and forth muttering "Damn you Harbuagh" to himself and pondering taking up smoking.
7:46 -- Double googly moogly "Holy shit!" moment!! Jake Locker to the Titans at eight!! Jake Locker won about as many games in four years at Washington as Cam Newton did in one year at Auburn. I hate this pick for the Titans, which means it's good for the Texans. The good news is that Locker's number 10 is readily available by going to the Titans. Also means that cash strapped Titan fans can just put a piece of duct tape over top of "YOUNG" on their jerseys and write "LOCKER" in black marker, like Texan fans did with David Carr jerseys when the Texans acquired Matt Schaub.
7:54 -- Cowboys just went offensive line with Tyron Smith from USC. Went to USC, drafted by the Cowboys -- for a Houstonian who went to Notre Dame like me, Smith may as well be walking up to hug the commissioner spinning a pitchfork in his right hand and breathing fire from his nostrils.
8:03 -- Jacksonville just traded up to get Blaine Gabbert, depriving all of us of the annual "quarterback staring blankly at nothing in the green room while being passed over by every team and being consoled by his fiance" moment. Damn you, Jacksonville! Let the bidding begin on which Jacksonville hair salon he will endorse. J-ville rednecks everywhere are pondering gelling up their mullets and going Gabbert style!
8:10 -- Texans are on the clock ... Fairley, Amukamara, Robert Quinn, all on the board. And with the 11th pick, the Texans take...
8:11 -- J.J. Watt defensive end from Wisconsin. Yawn. Somewhere Owen Daniels and Garrett Graham are sharing an awkward multi-layered white guy high five. MADISON, STAND UP! And oh by the way, the bust factor on J.J. Watt just went from highly unlikely to "out of the league in five years." I'll take Texans first rounders on the defensive line not named Mario Williams for $200, Alex!
8:13 -- Nickname for J.J. Watt -- I'm putting "Kilo" out there. And if he happens to have a career derailing drug habit...then, I'm REALLY putting "Kilo" out there. Got emails from a couple people that are excited about the possibility of a "Stone Cold" Steve Austin style "WHAT?!?" cheer catching on at Reliant next season. WATT?!?...WATT?!?...WATT?!?... This is where we are as a franchise right now.
8:14 -- John Granato just polled Wild Wing Cafe and either J.J. Watt slept with everyone's daughter in this place or they're not very happy with the pick.
8:17 -- They just started piping in the sound from an episode of King of the Hill over the speakers at Wild Wing and on our station for some reason....oh no wait, it's the Wade Phillips' press conference to discuss the J.J. Watt pick. Phillips is quite the package of hell, fire and brimstone, minus the hell, the fire and the brimstone.
8:18 -- I think Wade Phillips just sold me some propane.
8:19 -- In the meantime, the quarterback crack wagon is in full swing with Minnesota reaching about a round too early for Christian Ponder. See, now I'm kind of hoping Brett Favre comes back for another round. I don't think he has "coming out of retirement to crush the soul of a first rounder" on his resume yet. Well, on his Minneosta resume at least.
8:21 -- Four QB's in the top 12! This is either going to be the Class of 1983 all over again, or it's going to be the biggest disaster this decade, not involving Paul Reiser.
8:22 -- The Lions just took Nick Fairley with the 13th pick which means the last two Rotary Lombardi winners for top defensive lineman of the year in college are Detroit Lions. I will now steal Bob McNair's catch phrase and say it -- "The Lions are on the right track." Seriously, no better situation for Fairley than playing and learning alongside Ndamukong Suh. I've had a chance to meet both. Fairley's a nice kid, but Suh is ultra-mature for his age. Good mentor.
8:32 -- North Carolina's Robert Quinn to the Rams. He fell in the draft because he has a benign tumor. Probably breathed a sigh of relief when the Texans passed on him at 11 because no doubt that thing would have become malignant if the Texans selected him.
8:35 -- Florida's Mike Pouncey goes to the Dolphins ruining my dream that the Steelers would take him and pair him with his twin brother, Maurkice. Was really hoping to see the old WWF tag team "sneak the twin brother in while the ref has his back turned" tag team trick in Pittsburgh. Now my best hope is the Plumlees getting drafted by the same NBA team, and they're not even twins. Dammit.
8:42 -- Ryan Kerrigan of Purdue just went to the Redskins at 16. How the hell did a Boilermaker make it past the Texans at 11? Wisconsin must be the new Purdue.
8:48 -- The Patriots at 17 (pick acquired from the Raiders for Richard Seymour) take Nate Solder, an offensive lineman from Colorado, who miraculously is not one of the 432 players in New York for the draft this year, which inherently makes him a reach pick. General draft rule -- if a guy is a reach pick and Bill Belichick picks him he is a "solid sleeper pick" and if anyone else picks him he is a "reach." Got it?
9:12 -- Sorry, had to eat some wings...while I was stuffing my face, some more guys got picked including Prince Amukamara from Nebraska, who skipped the royal wedding to attend the draft. Oh wait....
9:32 -- Honestly, why hasn't everywhere outlawed indoor smoking in bars? Just asking.
9:35 -- We just saw two Baylor Bears drafted within two spots of each other in the first round, Phil Taylor and Jerry Watkins, which draft-wise is the equivalent of seeing Big Foot and the Loch Ness Monster hanging out throwing back drinks.
9:54 -- I'm tapping out, people. Happy draft night. Gotta go order my J.J. Watt jersey. WATT?!? WATT?!? WATT?!!?
Listen to Sean Pendergast on 1560 The Game from noon to 3PM weekdays and follow him on Twitter at http://twitter.com/SeanCablinasian.