You know the Houston Astros are a bad team when…
1.ย …the only thing the team is first at is having the first pitcher in the majors to lose 10 games. Congratulations, Wandy.
2.ย …Geoff Blum not only gets consistent playing time at third base, but also starts games at shortstop.
3.ย …they lose a series to the Kansas City Royals, a team that is supposedly worse than the Astros.
4.ย ย …you’re left wondering if the Astros will score more runs in a series than the U.S. Soccer team will score during the entire World Cup.
5.ย …you hope that the Astros will be able to get more hits in a game
than the number of goals the U.S. Soccer team will be able to score in
one game.
6.ย …the best pinch-hitting hope off of the Astros
bench is Jason Michaels.
7.ย …Jason Michaels leaves you longing
for that pinch-hitting wonder known as Orlando Palmeiro.
8.ย
…there are more Texas Rangers fans inside Minute Maid Park than there
are Astros fans. Seriously, I saw more Rangers jerseys, shirts, and hats
at Friday’s game than I’ve ever seen at a Rangers game in Arlington.
9.ย
…the best part of this weekend’s games was watching the wife
of just-released reliever Casey Daigle in the stands.
10.ย
…you really wish the Astros would sign Mrs.
Casey Daigleย to a contract.
11.ย …the only reason you
stick around for the entire game is to see if Josh Hamilton will hit for
the cycle.
12.ย …you’re swept by the Texas Rangers, and the
Rangers’ best player is on the disabled list.
13.ย …leaving
Wandy Rodriguez in to bat even though he’s losing by six runs makes
sense. He’s hitting better than most of the position players, after all.
14.ย
…the best part of the game is the pre-game video celebrating the
team’s 45-year history as the Astros, but ignoring not only the years
before that as the Colt .45s, but also ignoring Ken Caminiti and Roger
Clemens.
15.ย …the Pittsburgh Pirates are marking the days on
the calendar until they face the Astros again.
16.ย …the
Baltimore Orioles are petitioning MLB to let them play the Astros.
17.ย
…the team’s best option for the MLB All-Star Game is a seldom-used
closer who can’t actually close out a game.
18.ย …the only
reason you’re watching the Astros play the Rangers is the hope of seeing
first-hand some of the players the Astros might get if Roy Oswalt is traded
to the Rangers.
ย
19.ย …batting Lance Berkman second in the order actually seems
to make sense.
20.ย …Felipe Paulino is considered to be a legit
major league starting pitcher.
21.ย …Pedro Feliz is not only
still on the team, but he’s still starting games.
22.ย …the
best part of the game is watching the choo-choo train.
23.ย
…you got a free ticket to Friday’s 9-3 loss to the Rangers, and you
wanted a refund.
24.ย …you had an extra, free ticket to
Friday’s game against the Rangers, and everybody you know suddenly had
to wash their hair that night.
25.ย …when you spent Friday’s
game against the Rangers making up “you know the Astros are bad…”
jokes.
This article appears in Jun 17-23, 2010.
