Billboard Blues

You never know what new stuff you’ll learn about Houston by reading The New York Times. On March 29, for instance, we — and the rest of the nation — found out that the Bayou City is apparently home to a roving cadre of political-thought-police posses.

The antiwar group United for Peace and Justice is trying to fight the flag-burning ’60s stereotype by renting billboards around the country for an ad featuring the Stars and Stripes and the motto “Peace Is Patriotic.” The Times reported the first sign went up recently in San Francisco, “and as money becomes available there are plans for more of them in a dozen other cities. Only Houston has been stricken from the list of intended cities because billboard companies feared the sign might get shot at.”

Michelle Costa, president of the Houston division of Clear Channel Outdoors, one of the two major billboard companies in the market, says she didn’t turn down any peace ads.

(In fact, Clear Channel put up a “Stop the War” ad on the North Freeway April 2 for an antiwar group.)

Representatives of the other major billboard company and United for Peace and Justice did not return phone calls.

But apparently the slogan “Peace Is Patriotic” is enough to make a Houstonian behind the wheel of a Ford F-350 pickup put down his Miller tallboy, pick up his Remington and indulge in two God-given rights at the same time: free speech and bearing arms.

We would have thought folks would be more upset by advertising that links patriotism to buying four-piece bedroom sets, but then again we haven’t shot up any billboards lately. If “Peace Is Patriotic” signs are gun-worthy, though, we wonder what other billboards might be in danger:If the concept of “peace” is subversive, we can only imagine the depths of anti-Americanism reached by the pinko commie slogans of some of the megachurches around town. “An Oasis of Love”? Not in George W. Bush’s desert.

If you’re dealing with people enthusiastic enough to fire shotguns at offending billboards (and by “enthusiastic enough” we mean deranged), it’s impossible to determine what’s acceptably non-target material. Even signs that seemingly would be supportive of the president might be deemed not supportive enough and would require additions.

Some advertisers will no doubt cower at the thought that freelance advertising critics are ready to lock ‘n’ load. Others will simply see the war, and the need to protect their billboards by being super-supportive of it, as a loophole to take advantage of:

And then there are the advertisers who would just as soon avoid the subject altogether, but are contractually obligated to advertise — like, say, a concert promoter with an upcoming gig this summer. That promoter will have to make a subtler adjustment: