Okay, is this shit for real? Not to start out this post of my normally eloquent and thoughtful column so bluntly, but seriously, is this shit for real? Is Clay Aiken actually fathering a child via artificial insemination? Because if it is true, I really don’t know what I can say other than to keep on saying, over and over, is this shit for real?
Sometimes a story comes along that is so bizarre, so silly, so oddly believable and yet unbelievable at the same time, that there is little the pop culture hacks like me can say other than to say what anyone else would say, which is, is this shit for real?
The deal is this. Despite reports to the contrary, TMZ and others are reporting that Clay recently impregnated music producer David Foster’s sister, a 50-year-old woman named Jaymes with whom he occasionally rooms. (I’ll let that image sink in for a minute.)
Clay Aiken. Clay Aiken. I think Clay Aiken I think “American Idol” (which I’ve never actually watched, truth be told), a lilting Southern accent, a kind of perma-smirk on his face, and a mulletesque haircut that has seriously got to go. Yeah, I know he’s constantly dodging the gay rumors, but you know what? Who cares whether Clay is gay or not? I’m much more focused on why so many people continue to buy his absolutely craptastic and soulless music and label themselves “Claymates.” As my friend Matt says, he’s the John Tesh of the under-40 crowd. Seriously. If Clay has indeed spawned – with a woman who has connections to the record industry, no less – I am weak in the knees over what this means for the already scary future of pop music. Imagine Clay Jr. running around recording “Measure of a Man Part 2: Electric Boogaloo.”
Yowza. I need a drink. And honestly, if someone finds out if this is true one way or another, post a comment and let us know. – Jennifer Mathieu
This article appears in May 29 – Jun 4, 2008.