College Football Preview, Tea Leoni Edition

Week three of the college football season might end up being a bit of a lost season here in Houston, as well as large portions of Texas, because of Hurricane Ike. In some ways, this week of football reminds me of Tea Leoni, a very beautiful and smart actress who is not known for her movies, but as the wife of the sex-addicted David Duchovny. Maybe she’ll have some luck with her new movie, next week’s Ghost Town.

THE YOU KILL ME GAMES OF THE WEEK: A great little comedy thriller that let Tea shine as an actress – I love her smile. The definite game of the week involves Ohio State visiting USC in prime time Saturday night on ABC. The Trojans are my pick as the best college team in the county. Ohio State is my pick as the most overrated college team in the country. Buckeye running back Beanie Wells should be healthy, but I don’t think he will be enough.

Friday night brings what should be a great matchup as Kansas (2-0) travels to Miami to take on the South Florida Bulls. Kansas is averaging 35-points so far, and they are the best team South Florida has faced this year. South Florida nearly blew a 14-point fourth quarter lead to Central Florida last week before getting the win in OT. If Ike hasn’t destroyed Houston, this should be a fun game to watch on ESPN 2.

And I really hope I get the chance to see UCLA meet up with BYU on Saturday. UCLA pulled off the big upset on Labor Day, getting Tennessee on Labor Day. BYU won its 18th straight game last week, but needed an assist from the officials.

THE DEEP IMPACT GUILTY PLEASURE GAMES OF THE WEEK: Tea played a newscaster who broke the story of an asteroid hurtling toward Earth. It’s a pretty stupid movie, but I watch it every time it’s on TV. Which brings us to Rice visiting Vanderbilt on Saturday night. Vanderbilt is the Rice of the SEC, but last week, Vandy upset South Carolina. And last week, Rice was trailing by 15-points in the fourth quarter, but won the game 42-35 after returning an interception for a TD with time running out. This could be a fun game.

East Carolina has pulled off big upsets the past two weeks. They shouldn’t have to worry about this week as they take on Tulane in New Orleans. Tulane fled Gustav last week, and lost to Alabama. Tulane’s not going to have the Gustav excuse this week. And Nevada and Missouri offers up two of the country’s top offenses on Saturday afternoon. But let’s just say Missouri should easily be able to handle this game.

THE SPLANGISH SHOULD HAVE BEEN BETTER GAMES OF THE WEEK: Tea was the shrewish wife of Adam Sandler in this movie that was supposed to make Sandler a major dramatic star. It didn’t work. But Tea’s performance is magnificent.

Before South Carolina lost to Vanderbilt last week, this would have been one of the best games of the week. But South Carolina proved to be a bit overrated. Still, this is the first legitimate big conference team Georgia will play this season. And California is traveling out to Maryland. California destroyed Washington State last week, while Maryland (1-1) was barely able to beat a Football Championship Subdivision team in week one. The question here will be the size of Cal’s victory.

The Houston Cougars are playing Air Force on CBS College television at 2:30 on Saturday. The game was supposed to be in Houston, but due to Ike, the teams are decamping to the campus of SMU. The Cougars can score on anybody. The question is whether they can stop any other team from scoring. At this point, I doubt it.

THE FLYING BLIND SHOULD HAVE BEEN GOOD GAME OF THE WEEK: Flying Blind was Dharma and Greg several years before hand, and Tea Leoni was far superior, and much better looking, than Jenna Elfman. It should have been a huge hit. It barely lasted one season.

And this award goes to Arkansas versus Texas, which, thanks to Ike, has been postponed until September 27. Apparently, they’re kind of afraid of a little rain in Austin.

THE FUN WITH DICK AND JANE AWFUL GAMES OF THE WEEK: Not even Tea Leoni could redeem this disaster, just as nothing will redeem Stanford at TCU – which has had its game time moved up from 6:00 to noon because of Ike. TCU should handle this easily.

SMU is heading out to Lubbock to battle Texas Tech. I’m betting that lots of points will be scored, but that Tech will win big.

Washington State is coming to Waco to take on Baylor in a game which might, or might not, be taking place – Ike again. Both of these teams are bad, and neither really deserves the win.

THE JURASSIC PARK III AVOID LIKE THE PLAGUE GAME OF THE WEEK: Every actor just a movie just for the check, so I’ll forgive Tea for this thing. But NBC should be ashamed for continuously giving Notre Dame a national audience. This week they play Michigan. If there’s any justice, this game will end in a 0-0 tie.

— John Royal