As long as Deshaun Watson uses third parties and rap lyrics on Twitter to communicate his feelings, then it's open season for the national media to report Watson's dissatisfaction with the team as something that is unfixable and irreparable. Watson is doing nothing to dispel these categorizations. So that's how you wind up with odds boards for the chances for each of the 31 teams to land Watson, and that's how you wind up with callers from NFL cities outside of Houston calling ym radio show to make hypothetical (often atrocious) trade offers.
It's brutal, and it will become even more brutal if, when Watson finally speaks, he digs in and says he will never play for the Texans again. That would force the team's hand — trade or him, or let him sit at home? It's not as easy as saying "Do one, or do the other." It's very nuanced, with some teams able to offer better trade packages than others.
Here, though, is where I will implore new general manager Nick Caserio that, if it comes to trading Watson, make sure you put certain teams on the "pay no mind" list. Block them on your phone. Block them on social media. Block them from your life. If any of THESE FOUR TEAMS call you, Nick Caserio, do NOT pick up:
It starts with trading Deshaun Watson inside the division (although, admittedly, I would absolutely pick up the phone if Jacksonville called, dangling the first overall pick), but it's so much more than just seeing Watson twice a year. The Colts are an organization that, through their own ineptitude, fell ass backwards into two franchise quarterbacks — Peyton Manning and Andrew Luck — that the Texans have had to face for about 85 percent of their existence. It's also a team that has dealt the Texans some of their most devastating, soul crushing losses, from the Rosencopter in 2008 up to the two late game fumbles this past season.
Another division rival, but this one cuts even DEEPER than the Colts would. I mean, they stole our goddamn football team, and now they would essentially be stealing a SECOND football team from Houston, because without Deshaun Watson, the Texans become a hollow zombie of an NFL franchise with figurative fan bodies strewn all about town from the nuclear bomb Cal McNair would have dropped on this fan base by alienating Watson to the point of a trade.
Oh, man, that's all we would need is the most popular athlete in town, and most important Houston Texan, to get dealt to Jerry Jones and the Dallas Cowboys. It's hard enough fending off plastic Dallas people in the "best city in Texas" argument as it is. Why give them a bazooka? Also, the Cowboys play on Thanksgiving every year, and the last thing I need is my appetite destroyed because Watson is wearing a star on his helmet for the next dozen Turkey Days.
NEW ENGLAND PATRIOTS
This would be the most nefarious of all the scenarios, because it would appear as though Jack Easterby and Nick Caserio were two spies sent to Houston by Bill Beliichick to not only destroy the franchise from within, but send the most prized asset in the history of the organization to him on a silver platter. This would be just next level, Sith Lord kind of stuff.
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