It's been a few weeks now since the original Donald Sterling recordings emerged, the ones depicting a destructively racist old man with a plantation mentality who happens to own a potentially billion-dollar company whose most famous and well-compensated employees are African American.
Actually, that's a description for most recordings or conversations with Donald Sterling, but I'm referring to the ones recorded by his girlfriend/archivist/resident skank V. Stiviano.
It's important I make the distinction as to which recorded Sterling conversation I am referring to because apparently if you're associated with Donald Sterling and you don't have a recorded conversation with him on your iPhone, you ain't nobody!
Because yesterday, along came these recordings courtesy of aspiring rapper and probable Sterling pimp Maserati.
According to this interview with CNN, Maserati had a "business relationship" with Sterling, which we find out quickly consisted of Maserati sending probable whores Sterling's way whenever he was in Vegas. If you believe Maserati in this interview, he called Sterling after the Stiviano recordings became public and decided for the hell of it to hit RECORD in the middle of the conversation, because, y'know...everybody's doing it.
Here is Maserati on CNN:
And here are the Maserati recordings, in three digestible chunks, courtesy of the Daily Mail, a UK tabloid. First, there is a three-minute recording of Sterling going through his "I'm not a racist, she is!" routine, the 21st century's answer to "I did not have sexual relations with that woman!"
RECORDING #1 HIGHLIGHTS:
0:55: "[She told me] 'God made me black. I didn't want to be black. All my brothers and sisters are Mexican. Do you know what it is like to wake up every morning and want to be white?'"
1:55: "She tried so hard to make her skin white. She did it every night -- her feet and her hands. She asked me, 'Did I like black skin?' I really didn't think about the color of her skin."
2:34: "Who cares what color your skin is? Open your legs."
Next, we come to the second recording, which focuses more hardcore on the sex life between Stiviano and the octogenarian Sterling. I'd have a trash can nearby for the vomit as you listen to this one:
RECORDING #2 HIGHLIGHTS:
0:30: "So she takes me into a room and she does her thing and then she says you wanna go for a walk I said OK and so I walk with her to her car and she says, 'well what do you think, do you think you need a friend?"' (Basically, Stiviano went next level squared on the old Hooters waitress "sit down next to creepy old dude and talk to him and make him feel important" mode.)
1:57: "She was an animal, and to deal with her was even harder."
2:07: "I'm telling ya, she was hot. I took an hour to get there, but she was hot...." (I don't know where "there" is, but I'm sure if there's a hell, "there" is part of it.)
3:40: (on a possible existence of a sex tape) "She may have footage of me in a bed, but she doesn't have anything like that. no sex."
3:50: "The girls i sharp, and everybody in the world wants to f**k her, I'm telling you."
And finally, the third chapter of the Maserati Chronicles, which centers around what an abusive sister Stiviano is to her siblings, and what a gold digger she is:
If you like this story, consider signing up for our email newsletters.
SHOW ME HOW
You have successfully signed up for your selected newsletter(s) - please keep an eye on your mailbox, we're movin' in!
RECORDING #3 HIGHLIGHTS:
2:27: "'If you talk to them people you'll get all this information she's just mean. She won't feed the girls - her sisters - they go to bed without dinner. Unbelievable. She's a monster, they call her "The Monster". She's just 30-years-old and she's the only one that's got money that she got from me - she never had it before. And she was gonna wheel barrow over everybody - everybody - she told people where to sleep, where to go what to do and to drive her."
3:15: "'She's sharp. She went down to Neiman Marcus with my credit cards to buy three or four pairs of shoes. She did it just before I cut off my cards."
At this point, I'm hoping that bars begin adding Donald Sterling audio to their jukeboxes, this stuff is that entertaining to me.