Female Teachers Sexing Students: The Seven Types Of Internet Commenters

Heather Dawn Merritt, a biology teacher in Paris, Texas, has been sentenced to three years for having sex with an underaged student.

It's not exactly news these days, but such stories seem irresistible to the Web. And although the Paris story has yet to fully attract the typical range of commenters, chances are pretty good that by the time it dies versions of these seven types of people will have weighed in:

7. The guy who informs the world whether the teacher meets his exacting "I'd hit it" standards or not In real life? Dude probably gets giddy over any woman who talks with him for more than 30 seconds in a bar.

6. The guy who then dismisses the looks of the teacher as not being up to his (much higher) "I'd hit it" standards See above.

5. The guy who asks where these teachers were when he was in high school Probably avoiding masturbating schmucks like you.

4. The guy who describes his high school teachers They all, it seems, fell into one of these categories: a) overweight b) old c) had hair in places where women shouldn't have hair d) were nuns e) all of the above 3. If the teacher specializes in biology, hilarity (doesn't) ensue Jokes even Jay Leno wouldn't use. Well, no, he probably would.

2. The guy who criticizes "the idiot" or the "fag" who turned the teacher in "If that was me, I'd just keep banging it and keep my mouth shut." Yeah, you lost us at "If that was me."

1. The person who responds to all this by asking what someone would think if it was a male teacher and a 15-year-old girl OMG. My eyes have suddenly been open to society's double standards, something of which I was utterly unaware before your insightful comment.

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Richard Connelly
Contact: Richard Connelly