First Impressions Of Parker HQ

Loyal readers and/or Annise Parker fanatics may remember local massage
therapist and dedicated Parker volunteer Greg Turetzky, who provided
the Press with some insider insight during the last Annise Parker
Election-Watching Party Numero Uno.

Back then, Turetzky
predicted a Parker-Locke run-off. With his political acumen thusly
verified, Hair Balls decided to pluck his brain for predictions on this
evening’s results.

Turetzky spent the afternoon pedaling his
bicycle around Montrose to check early election numbers from the Parker
stronghold. His bosses called him in around 5:30p.m., telling him they
already had an idea of the outcome, he says, leading him to believe
Parker had this thing wrapped. But early numbers show a close race.

“It’s tighter than I thought it would be,” he says. “Today we’re pretty sure she did well.”

Turetzky
then began getting antsy, obsessively clicking refresh on a Chron
reporter’s abandoned laptop, demanding new numbers, which have so far
not come.

Then Santa Claus walked in.

“Where’s Hanukkah Harry, man? It’s Hanukkah right now.”