As someone who’s been there, I can empathize with the folks from the
Houston Chronicle, Schlumberger, and a host of other companies
whose employees have gotten the axe in recent weeks. Not being an HR manager, I can
unfortunately only offer up a collection of “laid-off scenes” to help
you briefly forget their troubles.
5. The Bobs – Office Space (1999)
For a ten-year old movie, it’s still gut-churningly accurate. And I feel
quite certain Chron employees who were never spoken to
face-to-face by Jeff Cohen can identify with Bob Porter’s line about
“avoiding conflict whenever possible.”
4. The Crazy Hitchhiker – There’s Something About Mary (1998)
As Farrelly Brothers movies go, this is one of the better ones
(Kingpin is still my personal favorite), but Harlan Williams’
all-too-brief role as the “7-Second Abs” guy is a pure, shining beacon
of true insanity amidst 90 minutes of eyeball zits and Brett Favre.
3. Ari Gold – Entourage
Ari gets fired a lot, from what little of the show I’ve seen, but
nothing compares with this comprehensive tableau: the security
guards, the public dressing down, the yanking of company phone and car
privileges. Though I’d be a lot more sympathetic if I didn’t suspect
Jeremy Piven is actually much like this in real life.
2. The Old Man fires Dick Jones – RoboCop (1987)
After much fruitless searching, this is the best I could come up with.
Curiously, there are a ton of “alternate” RoboCop endings out
there (one featuring Sailor Moon…*shudder*), but any actual clips of
the Old Man firing Jones (thus eliminating Murphy’s secret OCP
directive) have been edited to omit the violence.
Meanwhile, you can still choose from about a dozen versions of “turtle
fucking a shoe.”
1. Harry Tasker terminates the “Sand Spider” – True Lies (1994)
The `90s were a simpler time, when Hollywood villains were usually of
Middle Eastern extraction and Arab groups understandably protested.
Today, with TSA watch lists and round-the-clock surveillance of alleged
“terrorists,” the idea of being Sidewindered into a helicopter probably
doesn’t sound all that bad.
This article appears in Mar 26 – Apr 1, 2009.
