Back in the day, Arco Arena in Sacramento used to rock pretty good. Even
when it was hosting a perennially lottery-bound squad, and the Sacramento brass was
drafting the likes of Pervis Ellison first overall in 1989 and Bobby Hurley
in the 1993 lottery, fans would still show up and represent.
Ultimately,
they were rewarded (sort of) with a solid playoff team and a near-miss at
the NBA Finals in 2002. Since then, the team has slowly been dismantled and
fallen apart to where last season their best player was a skinny, one-dimensional ball hog out of Western Carolina (Kevin Martin). Suck on that,
Kings fan!
This season the Kings have been a bit of a pleasant surprise. Entering last night 10-13, they were playing on national television for perhaps the one
and only time all season. The Washington Wizards were coming to town, and
despite an 8-3 home record thus far, the Kings have had the second-worst
attendance numbers in the league.
So with no Kobe, LeBron, or D-Wade on the
other side to ensure that there’s not a bunch of vacant seats on ESPN, the
Kings turned to the great equalizer. The one thing since the dawn of time
that you know you can count on to put asses in seats….
BEER.
That’s right, knowing that a drunk crowd is a rowdy crowd (and that the
attendance numbers would actually justify the use of the word “crowd” in
describing the size of the audience), the Kings unveiled “Dollar Beer Night” last night. Genius!
“Sacramento and its fans have such a good reputation nationally,” said Kings
spokesman Mitch Germann. “We want to showcase that on national TV.”
Nothing like galvanizing a “reputation” with some good ol’ barley and hops.
Apparently, it was successful as the Kings were able to ride the beer-drenched wave that was the Sac-town crowd to a 112-109 win over the
Wizards. HA HA…TAKE ‘AT, SOBRIETY!!! Beer 1, Teetotalers 0.
Thankfully, pro sports leagues are copycat leagues. If something works in
one arena, likely someone else will jump on it in hopes that it works for
them, too. Trust me, the win tonight by the Kings was one small step for
beer, one giant leap for drunk-kind.
In fact, I’ve already picked out the five NBA games (other than the
remaining 32 Rockets home games) that I would most like to see Dollar Beer
Night implemented. Here goes…
5. DALLAS MAVERICKS at DENVER NUGGETS, Sunday, December 27
In case you need a refresher, last spring the Mavericks played the Nuggets
in the playoffs, and at some point Mark Cuban decided that the Nuggets
should be called the Thuggets and decided the best person to take this up
with would be Kenyon Martin’s mother. No seriously, Cuban went over and
told Martin’s mom that her baby boy is, as my kids would say, a “real
meaner.” What better than a bunch of $1 drafts to stoke the embers and find
out who is tougher — Mark Cuban or Kenyon Martin’s mother?
4. LA LAKERS at DENVER NUGGETS, Thursday, April 8
You probably don’t need a refresher on this one — Kobe Bryant got in a
little bit of trouble back in 2003 in Eagle, Colorado. Something about ordering
up room service, I think. Anyway, you can read the whole police report here. Needless to say,
the drunker the better when it comes to the crowd “welcoming” Kobe back to
the state of Colorado.
3. ANY UTAH JAZZ HOME GAME
Utah is known for a lot of things — lakes with lots of salt, Big Love, and
basketball fans that think the Jazz’s opponents travel on every play. “Beer
drinking” is not that high on the list; my hope is that Dollar Beer Night
will cause at least a handful of the Jazz fans to experiment and we wind up
with a city full of first-time drunks. Because nothing is funnier than
someone dealing with the effects of alcohol for the first time in their
life. Don’t believe me? Well…
Still don’t believe me? Really?
What’s it gonna take for me to convince you that first time drunks are the
best? How about Bubbles from The Wire forcing water down this dude’s
throat…
You’re just gonna have to trust me on this one. Dollar Beer Night in
Utah…good.
2. SAN ANTONIO at ORLANDO, Wednesday, March 17
This is one where we need a few things to fall into place, but if Tiger
Woods (a Magic season ticket holder) shows up and decides to tie one on, and
Eva Longoria (wife of Spurs point guard Tony Parker) decides to make the
road trip, and Tiger’s libido is in full swing (which it sounds like it is
24/7)…well, you do the math. If Tiger can’t beat Europe in the Ryder Cup,
then he’ll steal a Euro’s wife and win the Ride-Her Cup.
1. LA LAKERS at DETROIT, Sunday, December 20
Malice at the Palace II. Enough said.
The best part? There’s a decent chance Artest might order two or three beers
himself at halftime. ]
Listen to Sean Pendergast on 1560 The Game from 3-7 PM weekdays on the
“Sean & John Show”, and follow him on Twitter at
http://twitter.com/SeanCablinasian.
This article appears in Dec 17-23, 2009.
