“Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the 2010 NBA Draft…” — David Stern
I’m not going to lie, those words give me a tingly feeling every year that I hear them. It never gets old — like reruns of The Sopanos or seeing that Bree Olson just tweeted, you just know that when the NBA Draft gets rolling, good times are about to begin.
Last night was no exception.
Was it a great NBA Draft, from either a talent or an entertainment standpoint? No, not great. But like pizza or sex, even average NBA Draft watching is better than anything else you’ll find on the tube.
So without further ado, some observations from last night NBA Draft, we’ll go “Winners and Losers” format today, and these are in no particular order….
WINNERS
1. JOHN CALIPARI — With a record five players
selected in the first round of the draft (and four of them being “one
and done” guys), Calipari cements his reputation as both an elite
conduit to play at the next level and a college basketball mercenary.
Fortunately for Calipari, the former reputation is the one that pays the
bills and keeps the recruiting pipeline flowing to Lexington. Also,
for those keeping track, this is the third straight year that the top
point guard has been a Calipari-coached “one and doner” — Derrick Rose
in 2008, Tyreke Evans in 2009, and now first overall pick John Wall in
2010. Now if he could tell us how a team with four of the top 18
players doesn’t make it to the Final Four….
2. SACRAMENTO KINGS — Speaking of Coach Cal’s
brigade of here-today/drafted-tomorrow youngsters, the Kings have to be
ecstatic with the way the draft unfolded last night. They got DeMarcus
Cousins, who may be the most talented player in the entire draft, with
the fifth pick. Cousins is certainly the most talented big man in this
crop, and — BONUS POINTS — he’s always a hair trigger away
from decapitating his coach! SWEET!!
The Kings also nabbed Marshall
center Hassan Whiteside (a top-15 pick in many mock drafts and a
potential Marcus Camby-type) with the 33rd overall selection. Add to
this the fact that they have Samuel Dalembert’s soon-to-be expiring
contract as a chip come trade-deadline time and the Kings’ frontline
situation looks sort of promising all of a sudden. Yeah, it feels
weird.
3. JAMES ANDERSON — With most draft grades on
specific players, it’s about the player himself, but the Spurs are one
of the few teams in my mind where the team drafting him actually
elevates the player’s grade. Any team that has filled in around Tim
Duncan with a bunch of players ranging from All-Star (Manu Ginobili,
Tony Parker) to rising star (George Hill, DeJuan Blair) picking at the
back end of the first round and in the second round…well, they know
what they’re doing and that has a “rub” on the grade of the guys they
choose every year. It just does.
Anderson, like Whiteside, was another
guy who was considered top 10 by some and was slipping down the board
before a nice soft landing in San Antonio at #20. With the Spurs,
Anderson can be groomed behind Ginobili, who just recently extended his
deal for what will probably be the final three years of his career.
4. MAGNUM ROLLE — Honestly, he was (**yawn**) the
51st pick, he’s going to a struggling Pacers franchise…but damn, his
name is MAGNUM ROLLE. Best porn name in sports since Bubba Franks.
5. MIAMI HEAT — Let me go on record as saying that there’s a
big part of me that hates the way business has to be conducted in the
NBA due to the salary cap rules. If it’s the price we have to pay for
competitive balance, then so be it I guess, but when teams are trading
first round picks AND players to get a second round pick just to clear
out cap space…eh, just too weird. That said, those are the rules, and
Miami is clearing out cap space like the Baby Ruth cleared out the pool in Caddyshack…by
the time Pat Riley is done, all that will be left is Dwyane Wade
munching on a candy bar in the deep end saying “It’s
no big deal.”
In all seriousness, the Heat got out of the first
round and added three second-round guys with upside — Dexter Pittman,
Jarvis Varnado, and Da’Sean Butler. If two of the three stick (and I
think all three will), it’ll be home run. Pittman needs to
drop more weight and get his mojo back, but Varnado was the best shot
blocker in the draft and Butler is a high character kid with first-round
talent and a rehabbing knee.
6. WWE FANS IN HOUSTON — As soon as the Rockets
drafted Patrick Patterson with the 14th pick, I got a text from Brandon
Strange (one of our producers at 1560) surmising that the Rockets might
select Gerald Brisco in the second round. If you’re not a WWE fan,
that’s not funny — if you are, it’s hilarious. Just know that there is
a former wrestler and now WWE Hall of Famer named Pat Patterson who is
French Canadian, around 70 years old, and openly gay…
See? It is pretty funny, huh?
7. PAUL GEORGE — The fastest riser on draft boards
heading into Thursday night, he was the anti-Hassan Whiteside — he was a
guy who everyone had in second rounds up until like a week or two ago
who is now a guaranteed multi-millionaire. More than anything else, he
managed to overcome self-inflicted comparisons to Tracy McGrady, which
should have been the kiss of death. Thankfully, central Indiana doesn’t
have the internet yet, so no one there knew.
8. “JUMPING FROM ONE FOOT, JUMPING FROM BOTH FEET” — Following
in the illustrious footsteps of “length” and “popability,” Jay Bilas
unleashed his unbridled enthusiasm last night for a handful of guys who
were good jumping off one foot and off both feet. It was unclear how
impressed he was with their ability to spell their first AND last
names or breathe through both their nose AND their mouth.
Needless to say, I’m already giddy for the 2011 Draft.
LOSERS
1. JOHN CALIPARI – Showing his transcendent skills of
simultaneously being uber-salesman and clueless verbal diarrhea spewer,
Calipari called last night the “greatest night in the history of
Kentucky basketball.” While having five guys drafted in the first round
is a great night for any program, my hope is that diehard Kentucky fans
pelted Calipari’s Twitter account with tweets like “1948, 1949, 1951,
1958, 1978, 1996, 1998.” Those are the years that Kentucky won
national titles in men’s basketball.
Call me old school, but I’d like
to think the goal of a program is still to put up banners, not act as a
rest stop for guys marking off the days between high school graduation
and Stern proclaiming “Welcome to the 2010 NBA Draft”….please, tell me
you got caught up in the moment when you said that, Cal.
2. EARS — We all make fun of announcers, particularly
announcers on ESPN. We’re highly critical of them, and honestly I don’t
think we realize how difficult their job is. It’s not easy. (I know,
it’s not roofing in the 98-degree heat or defending our country either, I
get it, but few could do it.)
That said, Stuart Scott at this point is
beyond the “caricature” stage; Stuart Scott legitimately ruins
broadcasts for me, and I don’t think that my feelings on him can be
contained in one paragraph of a “Winners and Losers” column. You suck,
Stuart Scott. Your tired act is an assault on the ears of sports
viewers worldwide.
For the record, if we could put together an NBA
Draft dream team for coverage it would be Ernie Johnson hosting (pro’s
pro), Bilas giving the in depth “I’ve seen all these guys play” view,
Hubie Brown with the cagey veteran NBA viewpoint, and Charles Barkley
for humor. That combo would crush.
3. CHEESE DOODLES – No Stephen A. Smith at the draft means no
heckling about Smith munching on Cheese Doodles, which had rapidly
become one of the highlights each year. I’m hoping the Stephen A. Smith
sock puppet still made the trip to the draft….
4. CLIPPER FAN — Elgin Baylor or no Elgin Baylor in
the general manager’s seat, you know that the Clippers’ brass came away
after trading for Kentucky’s Eric Bledsoe thinking that they pulled one
over on everyone because they landed “that Kentucky point guard” and
they won’t realize until like September that it was the wrong Kentucky
point guard.
5. KEVIN PRITCHARD — If you were a salesperson, how
would you like to be fired an hour before making a big presentation, and
still be asked to do the presentation? Well, that’s what happened to
Pritchard who was canned by Blazers’ owner Paul Allen last night just
before the draft kicked off, and stuck around to handle draft duties. I
would have paid anything to see Pritchard go saboteur on the Blazers’
draft by using the 22nd pick on Clay Aiken and the 34th pick on The
Situation. Alas, Pritchard’s career now joins millions of sets of
eyeballs whose existences have been terminated by The Oden.
6. TYPISTS OF ESPN TICKER GRAPHICS — The rights to
15 of the 60 picks in last night’s draft were traded during the draft.
That’s a whopping 25 percent, for those of you who played for
John Calipari and didn’t have to stick around for math class. The draft
ticker was tiring to look at last night, I can only imagine
the carpal tunnel syndrome setting in with the poor, unpaid interns who
had to “sweat shop” their way through typing it!
7. ANDY RAUTINS and LANDRY FIELDS — Selected at 38
and 39 in back-to-back picks by the Knicks, the reaction by Knick Fan
was…well….predictable. Andy…Landry…it’s cool, fellas. Don’t
feel bad. The Knicks could have drafted Derek Jeter and Spike Lee in
that spot and it would have gotten booed. When it comes to Knick Fan,
it’s not you, it’s them.
8. BRIAN SCALABRINE — “Pale skinned, redheaded,
towel-waving 12th man” is a very specific role that only a few NBA teams
even bother to fill. Understandably, Boston is one of those teams.
(Incidentally, Utah and Indiana are typically the other two.)
Scalabrine has filled that role to much critical acclaim the last five
seasons in Boston. Last night, the Celtics used their second-round pick on Notre Dame’s Luke Harangody. Harangody happens to be pale-skinned and redheaded — so Scalabrine is basically one Harangody towel-waving lesson away from being kicked to the curb. Nice knowing you,
Scally!
Listen to sean Pendergast on 1560 The Game from 3-7 p.m. weekdays on the
“Sean & John Show” and follow him on Twitter at
http://twitter.com/SeanCablinasian.
This article appears in Jun 24-30, 2010.
