Getting Off On Fighting Crime

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Before we get to the matter at hand, let us state for the record: Hair Balls is all for fighting breast cancer. And fighting crime.

But we don’t think that precludes us from pointing out a couple things about the Sabre Red we just received in the mail. First, the name: Sabre Red. What does that sound like to you? Something you could buy at the Adult Video Megaplexxx? Yeah, to us too.

Now, look at the photo above. What does it look like? Something that a lonely woman might pull out of her bedside table when she’s thinking about Brad Pitt? Shirt off? On a yacht? Oh, so gently…Where were we? Ah, yes. The Sabre Red. Yeah, it looks like a pink vibrator to us too.

It’s actually pepper spray that’s “Pretty & Pink and Ready to Fight Crime and Cancer.”

We know that pink is synonymous with fighting breast cancer, and again, that’s awesome. Also, criminals: must be sprayed. But does that mean women need to walk around with pink phalluses attached to their key chains?

Wait, Hair Balls just had a million-dollar idea: a vibrator that looks like pepper spray. We could call it the O On The Go®.

Cathy Matusow

Keep the Houston Press Free... Since we started the Houston Press, it has been defined as the free, independent voice of Houston, and we would like to keep it that way. Offering our readers free access to incisive coverage of local news, food and culture. Producing stories on everything from political scandals to the hottest new bands, with gutsy reporting, stylish writing, and staffers who've won everything from the Society of Professional Journalists' Sigma Delta Chi feature-writing award to the Casey Medal for Meritorious Journalism. But with local journalism's existence under siege and advertising revenue setbacks having a larger impact, it is important now more than ever for us to rally support behind funding our local journalism. You can help by participating in our "I Support" membership program, allowing us to keep covering Houston with no paywalls.

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