Spring Branch Mom Can’t Register Her Kids For School — Because They Speak English
Kelly Martinez can’t find an elementary school in the Spring Branch Independent School District for her two sons – ages 6 and 4 – because they don’t speak Spanish. Edgewood Elementary, Martinez’s zoned school, is 95 percent Hispanic, and last week a school official told her that the school didn’t…
Denver Nugget: Bun B at the Democratic National Convention
Our old buddy Matt Sonzala just forwarded us this picture of Bun B representing at Denver’s Pepsi Center, site of this week’s Democratic National Convention, fresh from the King of Trill’s own iPhone. We’re going to have to talk to Bun about that Rangers hat, though… – Chris Gray…
Houstonians’ Open Arms Not So Open This Time
Houston is not exactly accustomed to getting rave reviews in the national press, so city and county officials rode Katrina for all it was worth. Houston opened its arms to evacuees, Houston showed its welcoming heart, Houston demonstrated what taking care of neighbors is all about, etc., etc., etc. But,…
Please Don’t Take My SportsCenter
According to the blog The Big Lead – which is one of the better, more connected ones out there – ESPN is contemplating a late night talk show along the lines of Jay Leno or David Letterman. And I’ve just got to ask: WTF? Just what does ESPN have against…
Charlie Wilson’s War — Over A UT Chair
Charlie Wilson, the hard-partying Congressman who fomented an Afghan war and a disappointing Tom Hanks movie, is in the crosshairs again. A group in Lufkin wants to endow a chair in South Asian studies at the University of Texas; UT profs who know something about that region have sent a…
Devin or Quincy Jones – Who’s the Real Dude?
Quincy Jones (left) and Herbie Hancock So I was wanting to cite some lyrics from Quincy Jones’s jam “The Dude,” and I hit up Yahoo’s much-vaunted database of lyrics. Somewhat to my surprise, the song was in there. I clicked on the link and was astonished by what I found…
Our Congresspeople: The Best & Worst
Tuesday, The Washingtonian came out with its annual Best and Worst of Congress issue. The magazine polls 1,700 “administrative assistants, press secretaries, legislative directors, and chiefs of committee staffs to get their take on the best and worst members of Congress. Who’s smart? Who’s not? And who looks good in…
Astros-Red: Finally, a Game Worth Watching
Leave it to the Houston Astros to lose a game on a disputed home run the day that it is announced that replay will soon be used to determine disputed home run calls. In the eighth inning of a surprisingly good pitcher’s duel between the Astros and the visiting Cincinnati…
My First Guitar Hero Lesson
Technologically, I fall into that category a friend of mine likes to call “Last Caveman to the Fire.” Downloading music, cell phones, text-messaging – all of these things were around a good while before I jumped on the bandwagon (and I still don’t really download music). The same goes for…
The Passion Of The Victoria (Osteen)
Victoria Osteen vs. Sharon Brown, we hardly knew ye. Ye (or you) gave us plenty of laughs and grins as we watched two nutty gals get all crossways with each other before becoming BFFs. Or, in Victoria’s case, someone whom she tried to pray for once in a while. The…
Slideshow: Texas Barbecue Signs
This week’s review of Pierson & Company put me in a BBQ state of mind. It’s my theory that the greatest barbecue in Texas is being served at some out-of-the-way barbecue joint that has yet to be discovered. Which is why I like to stop at barbecue trailers and those…
Artist of the Week: Dem Southern Folkz
Each Wednesday, Rocks Off arbitrarily appoints one lucky local performer or group “Artist of the Week,” bestowing upon them all the fame and grandeur such a lofty title implies. Know a band or artist that isn’t awful? Email their particulars to introducingliston@gmail.com. Normally, we do everything we can to avoid…
Aftermath: Corb Lund & The Hurtin’ Albertans at McGonigel’s Mucky Duck
Photos by Chris Gray I wasn’t sure I particularly liked Corb Lund’s “Hayseed” look. A woman at the bar told me not to worry. “The ladies like it fine.” I guess everything is in the eye of the beholder. Things are also in the ear of the be-hearer. I don’t…
No Asylum From This Houston Judge
It appears that Houston has not escaped the effects of the patronage-style selection of immigrant judges employed for years by the Bush administration. According to a story in Sunday’s New York Times, 31 immigration judges across the country were appointed during a three-year period during which the judges were selected…
Free Housing For Mentally Ill Inmates Proposed
One idea talked about during a mental illness forum was building free housing for mentally ill inmates released from Harris County Jail. David Mincberg, who is running against Ed Emmett for County Judge, believes such housing can be built in the city, publicly funded with federal money, and staffed with…
Cue Chewbacca: Instant Replay in Baseball Begins Tomorrow (or Maybe the Next Day)
And so it begins. Instant replay in baseball. On Thursday. Or Friday. Depending on where you’re playing and who you’re playing. Leave it to major league baseball to make a big deal about this, then screw up its introduction. Don’t get your hopes us. Instant replay is only going to…
One Tough (And Bad) Lawyer
You gotta give credit where it’s due: Steven Bearman’s got balls. Lying, embezzling balls, sure, but balls nonetheless. Bearman was investigated and got his law license suspended in 2007 for stealing more than $200,000. He then got a firm to hire him as a paralegal — and he started stealing…
Tom Petty Week, Part 3: Bright Eyes Covers “Walls”
Conor learned his lesson from the master well… – Chris Gray Live at the Chicago Theater, October 2007…
Some Success On The Pet-Adoption Front
More than 300 pets found new homes over the weekend — not to mention that $300,000 was raised in pledges — as the Houston SPCA enjoyed a big success with its annual telethon. “Hours before the live broadcast (on Channel 39), the parking lot at the Houston SPCA was at…
Drowned Sandwich at Paparruchos on Sage
I only learned about the torta ahogada recently. It came up in a conversation about a special type of Guadalajaran bread called birote or bolillo salado that has a higher salt content and a thick crunchy crust. The sandwich gets its name because it’s dipped in a spicy sauce made…
The Top Five Ballsiest Actors From Texas
Jacoby Jones likes clutching his balls: Texans receiver Jacoby Jones is carrying a football with him everywhere he goes. “I’m trying to get better and not fumble, so I’m going to walk around with this all day,” said Jones, who lost fumbles on punt returns in the first two preseason…
Have You Read Roseanne’s Blog?
I have to say, no matter what Roseanne Barr Arnold Conner Whatever does or says, I will always remember and love her for representing a family on television that was actually similar to my own family growing up. Which is to say on her sitcom “Roseanne,” she wasn’t afraid to…
Aftermath: Nas and Talib Kweli at Warehouse Live
Photos by Karma Neff To attend The Jones Experience, a hip-hop show headlined by Nasir “Nas” Jones (above) and opened by Talib Kweli, at Warehouse Live Monday evening meant one specific thing: pledging allegiance to a distinct strain of hip-hop that goes by many terms – purist, boom-bap, conscious, etc.-…
Texas Continues To Shine At Being Uninsured
Texas is at the top of the heap again – this time we are the most uninsured state, health care-wise, in the country. Woo hoo! Oh, snap, wait, that’s not a good thing, is it? The U.S. Census Bureau released a report today stating that the number of uninsured in…
The Concept Of “Three Buttons” Confuses La Marque ISD
Just in case you were wondering, no, you can not wear stiletto heels to school if you live in La Marque ISD. Nor, it seems, can you wear a shirts with less than three buttons on it. Or is it more than three? Nobody was very clear on that during…
Whistleblower Wins Suit, Even Without Feds’ Help
Usually, when the federal government refuses to join in your whistleblower suit, you give up. (Unless, of course, you’re talking about whistleblower suits against the federal government.) A pair of local attorneys decided to stick with their so-called “qui tam” (legalese for “whistleblower”) suit, however, and they’ve won it. The…
Construction of Bank Branches Finally Slowing Down
You remember that episode in The Simpsons where the enthusiastic and forward-looking evil genius Hank Scorpio gives Homer a job in his spiffy and fun Globex Corporation and the family moves to that sparkling Pacific Northwest-looking town? And Scorpio’s company shows Marge that documentary about life there, wherein various signifiers…
Getting Off On Fighting Crime
Before we get to the matter at hand, let us state for the record: Hair Balls is all for fighting breast cancer. And fighting crime. But we don’t think that precludes us from pointing out a couple things about the Sabre Red we just received in the mail. First, the…
Slip Inside This House: MP3s from Thirteenth Floor Elevators and The Chaparral Trio
Thirteenth Floor Elevators, “Baby Blue” Yes, I’m well aware that the Thirteenth Floor Elevators were not Houstonians. The band many claim was the first to use the descriptive term “psychedelic” for its music was based in Austin; a few members moved there from the small Hill Country town of Kerrville…
House of Blues Job Fair at Verizon Wireless Theater
Ever wanted to work in rock and roll? This could be your chance. The Houston branch of House of Blues, scheduled to open in October, is holding a job fair until 6 p.m. today and 10 a.m.-6 p.m. tomorrow at the Verizon Wireless Theater, 520 Texas in Bayou Place downtown…
Even 120 Years Ago, Houston Was A (Rude) Foodie Heaven
If there is one field of artistic endeavor in which Houston undoubtedly already excels on a level that can be called without hyperbole “world-class,” it is the culinary arts. By all accounts, this is a great eating town, a place where you can find great food from a multitude of…
$7 at Pat and Joe’s Bellaire Broiler Burger
Where: Pat and Joe’s Bellaire Broiler Burger, 5216 Bellaire Blvd., 713-668-8171 What $7 gets you: A great meal for pocket change. I opted for the #3, a flame-broiled hamburger with mustard, onion, pickles, lettuce and tomatoes ($3.80). Add a side of crinkly cut fries ($2) and a small soda ($.80)…
Zipcar Comes To Houston (To Rice, At Any Rate)
Zipcar is a green-ish, Yankee-land concept that actually makes sense for a lot of people — you can rent a eco-friendly car for a couple of hours, relatively cheaply. It’s a concept that now has come to Houston. If you’re a Rice student. Rice has signed on with Zipcar, and…
Just How Good Is the Texans Secondary Supposed to Be?
With football season approaching, I’ve started paying more attention to the Texans. And I haven’t liked what I’ve been seeing. I know Drew Brees and Tony Romo are exceptional quarterbacks who have outstanding receivers and good running backs and have good offensive lines protecting them, but still, the way they…
Doing Business Houston-Style In the 1970s
Ah, the `70s in Houston. A time when men were men, oil companies had balls, and political correctness was some distant dream (or nightmare). It was a time built for men like Edward Mike Davis and the Tiger Oil Company. A stack of memos written — we guess we should…
The Roaster Meets Cracker Barrel
Perhaps it was inevitable: Allen Parkway Village native Kenny Rogers, who owned his own chain of rotesserie-chicken restaraunts in the ’90s and shall forever after be known as “The Roaster,” has partnered with home-cooking restaraunt franchise Cracker Barrel (mmm… that’s good eatin’) to release a greatest-hits CD, Kenny Rogers: 50…
Astros-Mets: The Chron’s Steve Campbell Knows the Score
I’m tired of spending most of a post talking about last night’s game. You can only write up a loss so many ways so many times. So let it suffice to say the Astros loss last night 9-1. Brian Moehler pitched just okay, giving up a three-run homer to Carlos…
Slideshow: Tricycle Poker Run on Main Street
The promoters of the Tricycle Poker Run were probably hoping for more than three tricycles to show up on Sunday, August 24, but hey, at least one of them had a skull on it. The three-wheelers ran the gamut from Reserve 101 to Molly’s Pub, Live Sports Cafe, Shay McElroy’s…
Tom Petty Week, Part 2: John Mayer Covers “Free Fallin'”
That’s right bitches, John Mayer. Oh yes… feel the acoustic smoothness wash over you… – Chris Gray…
Where Is It? (Dangling Legs)
Anyone? Anyone? — Jay Francis…
Update: It Turns Out I AM The Kind Of Guy Who Uses A Real-Life Skull Bong
A while back, we had a jailhouse interview with Kevin Jones, one of three Kingwood teens accused of digging up a grave so they could make an actual skull bong, as opposed to that cheap plastic crap you get online. Jones was adamant about his innocence. “I want you to…
Even 120 Years Ago, Houston Was A (Rude) Foodie Heaven
If there is one field of artistic endeavor in which Houston undoubtedly already excels on a level that can be called without hyperbole “world-class,” it is the culinary arts. By all accounts, this is a great eating town, a place where you can find great food from a multitude of…
Final Thoughts on the 2008 Summer Olympics in Beijing
The Beijing Olympics came to a close yesterday with two more near upsets when the so-called Redeem Team held off the Spanish to win the gold in men’s basketball while the U.S. water polo team battled Hungary before ultimately losing 14-10. In U.S. terms, the Redeem Team loss would have…
Conspiracy’s Days Are Numbered: Aggies Are On The JFK Case
The world is full of conspiracy crackpots who believe JFK was not killed by Lee Harvey Oswald alone (or at all). The thing is, they usually aren’t college researchers. But three faculty members of Texas A&M have been honored with the American Statistical Association’s 2008 Statistics in Chemistry Award (which…
If His Name Was Chet Smith, He’d Be a VP Candidate Now
Rep. Chet Edwards, a Democrat representing Waco, believes he may have been nixed as Barack Obama’s VP choice because his surname is the same as that dastardly adulterer John Edwards. Frankly, it sounds like the sort of thing a fat kid who didn’t make the swim team might say. (“They…
Turning the Screw: 5th Ward Boyz, Scarface, Da Brat, Del, Kid Acne, M.I.A. and More
Welcome back to Turning the Screw, Rocks Off’s weekly rap post. It probably won’t rhyme, at least most of the time. E-mail tips to introducingliston@gmail.com. Thanks, homies. Single of the Week: 5th Ward Boyz (above), “Situations”: We were feeling a bit nostalgic this weekend. Wire To Wire If you’re a…
Tom Petty Week, Part 1: Jack’s Mannequin covers “American Girl”
In case you haven’t heard, Tom Petty & the Heartbreakers are on their way – if you hadn’t, you sure will have by the time they get here Friday. For the first installment of Rocks Off’s week-long video series of Petty covers, here’s Orange County semi-emo band Jack’s Mannequin doing…
Houston Zoo No Longer Free On Labor Day
The Houston Zoo is a victim of its own success. Every year the Zoo sets aside several days for free admission, usually including Labor Day. But more than 30,000 people swarmed the Zoo last Labor Day, making for a hot, crowded, not-so-much-fun-after-all experience. So, no more free Labor Day. Now…
A Classic-Rock-Free Morning
For the first time in a long time, Rocks Off is sitting here at HQ not listening to classic rock. (Ramon, let that sink in for a second.) Because I happened to have it with me on the way back from my parents’ house, I set up the trusty XM…
Fresh Meat at Five Guys Burgers & Fries
Here’s a bacon cheeseburger from the new Five Guys Burger & Fries chain location at 24004 Southwest Freeway in Rosenberg. I got mine with mustard, mayo, lettuce, tomato, onion, pickles and jalapeños and paid $5.59. The standard issue burger at Five Guys Burgers & Fries is a double patty sandwich…
Every Girl’s Crazy `Bout A Real Old Song
The Greater Houston Convention & Visitors Bureau has gotten a lot of attention recently for getting ZZ Top to push Houston for the Bureau’s “My Houston” campaign. We have no problem with the “Li’l Ol’ Band from Texas” (seems like that should come with a copyright sign) but let’s face…
Close Up The Still, Clem, They’re Comin’ After Our Moonshine
Break out The General Lee, boys, it looks like the law’s gonna be on our tail. The Texas Alcoholic Beverage Commission, which apparently doesn’t have enough to do making sure no microbreweries thrive in Texas, has announced that they are beginning a new, massive crackdown on bootlegging. After that’s done,…
Amazing: “Love Spell” Psychic Apparently A Fraud
Some con men are so clever and charming that you can almost overlook their sleaziness. Then there are those who are just out-and-out douches. The Houston “love-spell caster” operating out of an apartment on Eldridge Parkway definitely falls into the latter. We were first notified of this dude – whose…
Houston Law Students Have Some Buyer’s Remorse
Texas Lawyer magazine is out with its annual survey of how students feel about their law schools. Since Houston is home to one-third of the state’s nine certified law schools, there’s plenty of fodder for locals. Texas Lawyer asked students if — assuming they could go back in time –…
Astros-Mets: Houston Takes Two of Three from New York, But St. Louis and Milwaukee Keep Chugging Along
I hope that you Astros fans aren’t too upset with me. I tried to watch the Astros this weekend. I really tried to watch all 28 innings of the games with the Mets. Honestly. But there were just so many other more interesting things out there for me. I had…
Aftermath: Masters of Metal at the Cynthia Woods Mitchell Pavilion
Photos by Craig Hlavaty, except where indicated. A crowd slideshow is here. Reflecting on Saturday’s Masters of Metal tour at the Cynthia Woods Mitchell Pavilion, I think I fall into that rare category of Casual Metal Fan. This means that while I enjoy metal and will fly the devil-horns at…
HPD Seeks Customers Of (Allegedly) Pervy Dentist
If you’ve gone to the dentist lately and taken a leak, the HPD wants to talk to you. Well, they do if you’re dentist is Byron Weinle. He’s the guy who’s been accused of setting up a videotape system in his office bathrooms. “Obviously, patients going into a dental care…
Texans-Cowboys: Yeah, It’s Only Preseason
This is supposed to be the year for the Texans. The year they put it all together and make the playoffs. At least that’s the propaganda line. But based on what I’ve seen in preseason, I’m not buying it. Not a bit. Sure, Friday’s loss to Dallas was their first…
Over the Weekend: Blue Label Lounge, Zeppelin Video Lounge and Boondocks
Photog Bill Olive went club crazy this weekend… 11:08 p.m. at Blue Label Lounge He started at Blue Label Lounge……
Where Is It? (Separated at Birth?)
Here we have two pretty ladies, two Tex-Mex icons, two chances for you to guess. — Robb Walsh…
Is It True That Pandora Is Dying?
As an ex-hipster, I simply don’t have the time or energy to follow any music trends or pay attention to what’s happening in music. My music knowledge comes from watching the VMAs on MTV once a year to see if anyone does anything incredibly humiliating. (“Gimme gimme more, gimme more…”)…
A Review of Sing Me Back Home: Love, Death, and Country Music by Dana Jennings
Despite his highfalutin Noo Yark media job, author Dana Jennings wants you to know he’s as country as corn liquor. ‘Course he might be dragging around too many liberal-elite signifiers to be the populist hero he’d like to be: for one, he works for the New York Times (to some…
Weekend Music: Judas Priest, Motorhead, More Rudz Anniversary, Ronnie Milsap, Honeybrowne, Projekt Revolution, Matt Pryor, American Idols Live (Dammit) and More
If you think we’re going to start anywhere but tonight’s show at the Woodlands, you’ve, um, got another thing comin… Judas Priest, “Breaking the Law” …and how could we forget good old Lemmy? Motorhead, “Ace of Spades” Sweet country-pop (and sweeter hair), lots more Rudyard’s anniversary, real Texas blues, Projekt…
Darian Ward, Reporter (On “Friday Night Lights”)
Via Isiah Carey’s always entertaining Insight blog — which means we should probably use a lot of exclamation points to discuss it!!!!! — we learn that former Fox news anchor Darian Ward will be returning to big-time TV. Playing a reporter. Is it possible for a news anchor to successfully…
The Jail’s Mental-Health Issues To Get An Airing
Several candidates in upcoming Harris County political races are meeting for a forum on Tuesday to talk about mental illness and the Harris County Jail. If you don’t think the jail can be rough for a mentally ill inmate, check out “Gone to Hell,” this week’s Houston Press cover story…
Houston Boldly Moves Forward with (Porn) Free WiFi
Ready to leap headlong into the 21st Century, we grabbed a laptop this afternoon and tried out several of the city’s access points for free wireless. There’s a handy (Flashy!) map of locations posted online, but it’s so futuristic (Flashy!) that you can’t print it out easily, so here’s hoping…
HISD: Manage Your Kids Menu Online (And No More Gifts For Teachers)
The school year starts Monday for HISD, a week later than normal. As always, there are a lot of changes in policy and educational minutiae for students and parents to get used to. Among some of them to look out for, according to fresh info from the district: You’ll be…
Update From Beaumont Cop: Those Orgasms Sucked
As we reported before, former Beaumont police officer Keith Breiner is suing to get his job back. He was fired for having sex during a prostitution sting; he says he got approval to do it, the police brass are saying he didn’t. You make sacrifices and you get thrown under…
The Electric Car Is Alive And Kinda Well In Houston
The electric car is making its way to Houston, and we’re not talking about gas-guzzling, 45 miles per gallon hybrids. We’re talking plug-in-the-wall, no-gas-required electric cars. Since the start of summer, two dealerships have started selling the cars in the city: Houston Electric Cars, which sells the Zenn, and Apollo…
Crime-Fighting Tactic: Just Say No
A Conroe salesclerk took “just say no” to a new level when a man entered a GNC store and demanded the money from the cash register. The clerk said no and didn’t hand over any cash. The man pulled out a gun and again demanded the money. The clerk again…
Tonight: Big Sam’s Funky Nation, Amplified Heat, Rudyard’s Anniversary, Randy Rogers Band and More
Busy night tonight. First up, Crescent City funk mob Big Sam’s Funky Nation steams up the Continental Club all night long… Live at Voodoo Fest 2007 in New Orleans Houston/Austin blues-metal belters Amplified Heat storm into Meridian with the Mighty Orq, Splithoof and Shit City High… Amplified Heat, “Heart Attack”…
Knock-Off Caskets Become A Campaign Issue
Fake Chinese coffins might become a factor in the race for Galveston’s tax assessor-collector, at least that’s what county GOP chairman John LeCour is hoping. Candidate Matt Crowder is running against incumbent Cheryl Johnson in that race. Does the name Crowder seem familiar? It should, the James Crowder Funeral Home…
MADD Reneges On Offer To Get Us Drunk
We at the Houston Press are all about serving the public’s interest – especially when it involves consuming massive amounts of alcohol. Which is why we were excited and honored to be part of MADD’s “Wet Lab” demonstration; a partnership between MADD and the Houston Police Department. Scheduled for August…
Five Spot: Jeezy The Inspireezy
Welcome back to Five Spot. Every Friday, we’ll examine a recent bit of music news and list five reasons why it’s either brilliant or dumb-assed. Send tips to introducingliston@gmail.com. Los Angeles Times On the off chance that you haven’t read about him at, oh… we don’t know… everywhere, Michael Phelps…
Aftermath: Bun B and Orgone at Warehouse Live
Photos by Matt Sonzala Some interesting things happened on the way to Bun B’s gracing the stage at Warehouse Live Wednesday, his first local performance since winning two Ozone Awards last week. Those interesting things came in the form of the night’s openers Orgone, an eight-piece North Hollywood band who…
Guess Who Jacques Rogge Cares About: Wu Dianyuan, Wang Xiuying or Usain Bolt
Wu Dianyuan and Wang Xiuying are both Chinese ladies in their late 70s. Both walk with canes, and Wang is blind in one eye. They’ve lived through Mao and stayed out of trouble. The Chinese government seized their houses for redevelopment. The women thought they received insufficient compensation. They decided…
At Least It Wasn’t A TNT Factory
If you were to make a list of things you’d rather not see get caught up in a raging fire, a bullet factory would probably be near the top. Right under “WMD Central,” “The Flammable-Gas U-Store-It” and “World’s Largest Fireworks Store.” But a bullet factory in Pasadena did indeed go…
Baby Boomers, Did You Not Hear Me Tell You To Suck It?
Those who’ve read my blog for some time now know that I don’t take kindly to the circle jerk mentality of the baby boomers, who seem to think they are the world’s greatest generation simply because they rolled in the mud at Woodstock. (Yawnfest.) It appears the boomers’ love affair…
Going Green Costs A Fortune In Houston
The City of Houston may be promoting all things eco-friendly these days, but that doesn’t mean that it’s easy to go green. At least that’s what one local business owner is finding out. Chris Toman is trying to open a Pizza Fusion restaurant, part of a chain with franchises in…
Am I the Only One Craving Chinese Food While Watching the Olympics?
Soup dumplings from Fu Fu Cafe were one of the best snacks I ate while watching the Beijing Olympics. When I stopped into Dun Huang Plaza at Bellaire and Beltway 8 for take-out, I noticed that the center had set up a big screen television set and a bunch of…
This Just In: Xiu Xiu, etc. Moved to the Mink
Tonight’s show with San Francisco indie-dance trio Xiu Xiu (above), ex-Geraldine Fibbers screecher Carla Bozulich’s new band Evangelista and Common Eider, King Eider – the only band I can think of named after a duck except, well, the Duhks – has been moved from the Orange Show to the Backroom…
Shoot-Out At The Crime-Stats Corral
Houstonians, rejoice: We just may have a new item to add to the list of things we don’t do as well as other major cities! Jay Wall, a local real estate broker, and Alan Helfman, VP of Helfman Car Dealerships, took HPD to task today at a special Rotary Club…
The “Boom Goes The Dynamite” Guy Gets A Job In Texas
He became an Internet phenomenon — and not the good kind — providing achingly uncomfortable moments of YouTube viewing and the immortal phrase “Boom goes the dynamite.” Now he has a job. In Texas. Brian Collins was a Ball State freshman when he was tapped as a fill-in sports host…
Pasadena Police, Hispanics Can’t Get Together
Fifty members of Pasadena’s Hispanic community paid a visit to Interim Police Chief M. P. Jackson this morning, hand-delivering invitations to attend an ACORN-sponsored community meeting. Alain Cisneros, ACORN community organizer, talked to Hair Balls after the protest and said, “We’ve invited him several times and he hasn’t shown up,…
Wax Museum: MP3s from Allison & South Funk Blvd., the Royal Masters and the Chocolate Glass
Allison & South Funk Blvd., “Turn On With Music” Sometimes history is a funny thing. You look back and all of a sudden there’s something in the past you don’t remember happening. One case in point would be this Allison & South Funk Blvd. single. When the TSU Toronadoes finally…
Houston Library Says Wiis Are Here To Stay
Yesterday Hair Balls talked to Sarah Gish about her concerns about the Houston Public Library’s Central Library having Wiis in its children’s room. She wanted the library to remove its Wiis, or at least remove them from the kids’ room, to make more room for reading. Today we heard from…
Astros-Brewers: Wandy Rodriquez Is an Enigma Wrapped Up in Mediocrity
Here’s the thing about mediocre pitchers like Wandy Rodriguez. Every now and then they’re going to pitch a game that makes you think they’re going to be great. But the rest of the time, they’re going to look awful. And that is the definition of Wandy Rodriguez. Take yesterday’s game…
Will The Native American Kid With Long Hair Start School Monday?
The (possible) start of school for five-year-old Adriel Aroacha is Monday, and the Needville Independent School District will be forced to finally make a decision on what to do about the child’s long hair. Adriel’s parents say they’ll take the boy to kindergarten, and if he is sent home they’ll…
Tonight: The Melvins and Big Business at Warehouse Live
True underground-rock royalty, the Melvins have been soundtracking lung-busting bong marathons for more than two decades. All Music Guide calls the trio’s music “one massive, oozing pile of dark slime,” but it’s some pretty resilient, influential slime. Kurt Cobain’s failed audition for the band led him to form Nirvana -…
Neither Rain, Nor Sleet, Nor Dark Of Night Shall Keep Me From Stealing a $100 Gift Card
Steal a single $100 gift card, face five years in a federal prison and a $250,000 fine. Who says we’re coddling criminals? Regina Cochran, 46, faces that penalty when she gets sentenced December 17 for the theft of a Wal-Mart gift card. (She lives in Alvin; Wal-Mart’s big there.) Why…
Other Ways NASA Could Have Fixed Their New Moon Rocket
NASA scientists have finally figured out a way to keep their new moon rocket from shaking astronauts to death: put in some really big springs. As the Associated Press report puts it, the solution is essentially “a space-age version of the rusty springs under old pickup trucks.” “It operates a…
Lonesome, Onry and Mean: Pat Green’s Instant Karma
[Ed. note: Turns out this story was exaggerated just a bit. Wishful thinking, maybe? See the comments for the clarification. We decided to leave this up because it’s still hilarious.] I’ve written so much negative stuff about Pat Green that I’ve kinda put that away as something that’s been beat…
Houston Scientists Can See Sounds, Even Without “Maryjane” Or “Reefer”
Think you can’t see sound? Well, think again. In a ground-breaking discovery, new research conducted in part at the University of Texas Health Science Center at Houston indicates that people can visually process sound to help them see. Ye Wang, a student at the local medical school, says the finding…
Not So Great News from the Health Department
We scanned the Houston Department of Health and Human Services reports from August 11 to August 19 and found these places among the offenders. The School of Culinary Arts (1900 Yorktown) seems to have a hairy bunch of students. During an August 19 inspection, its kitchen 405 was cited for…
Miracle on the Diamond: Japan Beats the USA in Softball
I wonder if, as Caitlin Lowe grounded out to third base earlier today, some Japanese play-by-play announcer was shouting the Japanese equivalent of “Do you believe in miracles, yes!” Or if he went with Jack Buck’s classic “I don’t believe what I just saw.” A miracle? Yes. Unbelievable? Most definitely…
UH Prof Isn’t Optimistic About Jobs
Don’t hold your breath if you’re expecting the economy to rebound anytime soon. At least that’s what one local economic forecaster is saying. According to Barton Smith, head of the University of Houston Institute for Regional Forecasting, all signs right now suggest that the sluggish economy will get even worse…
Cover Story: Mental Illness and Harris County Jail
Alexander Hatcher was 19 the first time he was arrested – for stealing clothes from a department store – and 29 when he was diagnosed as bipolar and schizophrenic – after telling a nurse about visions of suicide. Petty crimes, drugs and mental illness have kept Hatcher in and out…
Aftermath: Steely Dan at Verizon Wireless Theater
Compared to their live shows, most classic rock bands may sound a bit constrained on their studio albums, but the brainy boys behind Steely Dan have always had the opposite challenge. Vocalist/keyboardist Donald Fagen and compadre guitarist Walter Becker, along with a rotating cast of backing musicians, produced meticulous, nuanced,…
Texas Lottery: Come For The Games, Stay For The Pornography
Check out all the female ass on this page, just waiting for your drooling attention! No, really, check it out — the Texas Lottery wants you to. As KHOU reported, the Lottery has signed a contract with a website called slingo.com to market one of their games. Part of the…
Top Five Failed Houston Sports Franchises
With the possibly impending demise of the Houston Comets WNBA franchise, I thought I would take a little look at some of the other professional sports franchises that have given it a try in Houston…and failed. 1. Houston Aeros, World Hockey Association, 1972-1978. Arguably the most successful of the former…
In the Middle of the Ocean
Written by Chris Alonzo, the rock musical In the Middle of the Ocean is a retelling of Orpheus. The story centers around Camila, a sweet and beautiful girl who gets her heart broken, runs away, and decides to form a floating brothel in the middle of the ocean. (Yeah, that’s…
Tom Piazza
Author Tom Piazza is one of many passionate advocates for rebuilding New Orleans (all of it, not just the tourist spots). His post-Katrina book Why New Orleans Matters implored the rest of the country to preserve what he and many others consider a vital part of our nation’s culture. Piazza’s…
Artful Thursday: Porgy and Bess
Porgy and Bess is perhaps the most controversial opera in the history of American music, and you can get the lowdown on it when cast members of the Houston Ebony Opera company join the Museum of Fine Arts, Houston for a preview and discussion at Artful Thursday: Porgy and Bess…
Ruthless, The Musical!
Take The Bad Seed and smush it together with All About Eve, add a little camp and some over-the-top musical numbers, and you have some idea of Ruthless, The Musical! In it eight-year-old Tina declares, “I was born to entertain.” When auditions come up for the school play, Pippi in…
Kyle Cease
You might recognize Kyle Cease from his comedy special, from his short-lived role on Comedy Central’s Reality Bites Back (he was the first comedian voted off the reality-show parody), or from his numerous appearances on the regular list of late night talk shows. His goofy, mile-a-minute delivery has him humorously…
Roger Creager
Beer, babes and an undying love for all things Texan are the regular themes addressed in the music of country singer Roger Creager, who’s performing today at Cactus Music and the Record Ranch. The Corpus Christi native has released albums including I Got the Guns and Having Fun All Wrong,…
Fly Me to the Moon
Take a look at the first moon landing from the point of view of a fly on the wall in the 3-D animated feature Fly Me to the Moon. Actually, from the point of view of three flies on the wall: Nat, IQ and Scooter, a trio of adventuresome young…
Klever, Fashen, The Knux
Scion crashes into Warehouse Live with a roster of DJs known for bringing it in their respective parts of the U.S. (and by “it,” we do mean “the party”). Klever is known for keeping Atlanta venues moving to a mix of metal, electro and house, especially at his monthly installment,…
“The Grand Tour, Texas”
For “The Grand Tour, Texas,” Omar Vera visited three iconic art meccas…sort of. The artist traveled to Paris, Florence and Rome’s Lone Star State namesakes — mimicking the rite of passage of young intellectuals who trekked across Europe during the 15th, 16th and 17th centuries. “It was a response to…
MC Chris
MC Chris is dropping into Houston fresh off the Warped Tour. You might recognize the actor/comedian/producer/rhymesayer’s high-pitched hip-hop flows from earlier seasons of Aqua Teen Hunger Force. MC Chris (aka Chris Ward) was the voice of rapping characters such as MC Pee Pants and Super Sir Loin on the Adult…
Death Proof
After Quentin Tarantino finished his two-part epic Kill Bill, a tribute to every obscure film that inspired the geek god, he took it easy with Death Proof. All the Tarantino-isms are here — witty dialogue, look-out plot twists, forgotten pop songs, the casting of an aging icon (Kurt Russell has…
The Fish Fall in Love
The Global Lens Film Initiative brings Iran’s The Fish Fall in Love and the Philippines’ The Bet Collector to Rice Cinema. Both films’ central characters are women in precarious situations. More than just a love story, The Fish Fall in Love examines the consequences of groundless suspicions. When her former…
“Imaginary Spaces”
“Imaginary Spaces” takes viewers to places they have never seen — or, more correctly, could never see. The latest exhibit at the Menil Collection spans three centuries with 30 paintings, sculptures and works on paper depicting invented environments — some are rather inviting, and others scream, “steer clear.” Giovanni Battista…
Summer Film Series — 100 Years of Gay History
Brokeback Mountain excluded, gays in mainstream film have mostly fallen into the category of the main gal’s silly best friend (see Sex and the City) or the over-the-top comedic lead (see The Birdcage). But gay film history is in fact very far-reaching, as indicated in Summer Film Series — 100…
Theater District Open House
You know the drill by now. Today, at the fifteenth annual Theater District Open House, a slew of the city’s performing arts companies and cultural promoters will show off their goods. Reps from Da Camera, Theatre Under the Stars, the Society for the Performing Arts, the Houston Grand Opera, the…
Baby with the Bathwater
Parenthood is terrifying, especially for the couple in Christopher Durang’s strange and delightfully absurd Baby with the Bathwater. First produced in 1983, the dark comedy helped put Durang on the map. The story follows a young couple named Helen and John through their troubling years of parenthood. After they bring…
The Shape of Things
The National Repertory Theatre makes it Houston debut with the black comedy The Shape of Things. Set on a college campus in a small town, The Shape of Things is a modern version of the seduction of Adam by Eve. When grad student Evelyn meets Adam, a geeky undergrad, she…
Cat on a Hot Tin Roof
Tennessee Williams’s simmering Cat on a Hot Tin Roof explores family dysfunction, Southern-style. The Pulitzer Prize-winning gothic tale has at its center a nasty character called Big Daddy who’s dying of cancer, though no one will admit it. (Everyone is either in denial or focused on the old man’s dough…
No Germ Lab for You
The Associated Press came out with an exclusive, publishing internal documents that showed the Department of Homeland Security ignored experts’ recommendations in where to put a new, expensive lab. Despite having weaker scores than other sites, DHS officials short-listed a location in Mississippi, which happens to be home to congressmembers…
Fresa Spanish and Latino Soldiers
Dear Mexican, I am the proud uncle of five Mexican-redneck kids who recently moved to Wausau with their mamá wisconsiana after living in la Capirucha all their lives. I’ve talked to them on the phone several times a week since they left for la tierra de los sueños materializados, and…
Fava Favorites at Mint Café
Fava beans, which have been cultivated in the Middle East since 6000 B.C., have become trendy lately. At a James Beard House dinner last year, Boston celebrity chef Todd English combined fresh fava beans with morel mushrooms. “If I were to be reincarnated as a vegetable, I would like to…
Robert Downey Jr. Plays Jesus for Artist Sam Taylor-Wood
Artist Sam Taylor-Wood’s photograph “Wrecked” showed at the notorious 1999 “Sensation” show at the Brooklyn Museum, which unleashed the so-called Young British Artists (YBAs), a group that includes provocateurs such as Damien Hirst, Tracey Emin, and Jake and Dinos Chapman, on the American public. Then Mayor Rudolph Giuliani famously claimed…
Wale Introduces Seinfeld to Hip-Hop Culture
It’s not every day a rapper pays tribute to his favorite sitcom with an entire mixtape devoted to the show. Isn’t that honor usually reserved for movies like Scarface or American Gangster? It’s even more unusual when said rapper’s favorite sitcom is Seinfeld, a show not regularly considered Must See…
Bottled Water and KBR Lawsuits
Staff Writer Chris Vogel’s August 14 cover feature (with writer Lee Klein) “Tapping In” elicited quite a few thoughtful online responses, a few of which we’ve reproduced here: Not all wet: Great article. I’ve always thought bottled water was somewhat humorous. It boils down to a taste thing; bottled water…
Underground Soul Sessions
Saturday, Houstonians hungry for mature black music will most likely feel their prayers have been answered — the Arena’s Underground Soul Sessions brings not one, not two, but six vocalists from various layers in the progressive R&B strata to town. Leading off is the reigning prince of DIY soul, ever-charismatic…
Xiu Xiu
While major-label bands can always look forward to the career-spanning greatest-hits cash-in, bands that labor in the upper limits of indie-dom have their own brass ring to reach for: the remix album. Emo/art-rock band Xiu Xiu was so honored with last year’s Remixed and Covered, which found artists like Kid606,…
Cute Lepers
What’s a pop-punk devotee to do when a power (chord) player such as the Briefs goes on indefinite hiatus? Scope out the Cute Lepers, Briefs principals Steve E. Nix and Stevie Kicks’ new band. The two groups share the same late-’70s iconic punk influences (Buzzcocks, Generation X), but the addition of…
Face Off
Last year we asked Houston’s high school students to send us their photos, and they responded with images of dogs, cats, books, basketballs, scooters, swimmers, clouds, cheerleaders and strawberries. Every month or two brought a new category and a new batch of snapshots, and after every round we picked several…
Not to Be: Hamlet 2
In its final ten minutes, Hamlet 2 is little more than chaos, noise and nonsense, and those are ten perfectly enjoyable minutes. It’s hard to knock any sequence that climaxes with a musical number titled “Rock Me, Sexy Jesus,” done up nice and Grease-y. Problem is, the 80 or so…
Ronnie Milsap
It sounds almost preposterous, but Ronnie Milsap and Ray Charles share several similarities, starting with blindness — though while Charles lost his sight in early childhood, North Carolina native Milsap was born blind due to congenital glaucoma — and ending with an innate knowledge of the fluid boundary lines between…
Bayousphere
“I am the great and powerful Oz!! And I’m in drag!! And I’m loving it!!!” Yes, people still do attend midnight showings of The Rocky Horror Picture Show — 340 of them on a recent night at the River Oaks Theatre. And they still dress up. Here, Jim — who,…
Nas: Untitled
On Untitled, Nas is clearly hoping that, by name-dropping big issues (reparations, single motherhood, media control) and dazzling you with his acrobatic flow (“I’m over they heads / Like a bulimic on a see-saw”), you’ll gloss over the fact that he’s not really saying anything coherent. When he simultaneously decries…
Caught In The Net
What do you do when you’re a multiplatinum rapper routinely cited as one of the best lyricists of all time — not just from the South, but in hip-hop history, period — and crafting new beats and rhymes just doesn’t have the same appeal it used to? Easy. If you’re…
Katy Perry: One of the Boys
Santa Barbara native Katy Perry is capable of remaking herself for any promising target demographic. In her teens, she delivered achingly sincere contemporary Christian fare that wasn’t so achingly sincere after all — though she is the daughter of two pastors — and now her One of the Boys persona…
Yung Chill: Stop Talking and Listen
Any time we got into trouble as a kid, we called our Uncle Rick. If the bully up the street took our bike, he got it back. If the schmuck bus driver made fun of our sweet rat-tail, Rick made him apologize. He was like a large, ill-tempered, sporadically incarcerated…
Judas Priest’s Screaming Seer Rob Halford
I’m in Bucharest, Romania, right now, about to leave for a festival gig,” relays Judas Priest lead singer Rob Halford. “We’re in Turkey tomorrow — it just shows you the reach of heavy metal music!” Though known for his distinctive high-pitched wailing on a slew of essential head-banging tracks spanning…
Ex-Gangster Cantina Turned Heights Wine Bar Boom Boom Room
“Fuck you.” We’ve just asked Heights resident Bill Curtin for a quote about why he likes coming to Boom Boom Room (2518 Yale), the neighborhood’s quaint, two-year-old wine bar. “Fuck you and the goat you rode in on,” he elaborates. “That’s my quote.” Luckily, Curtin’s ire (more playful than pissy) is…
Hard-Knock Life in Frozen River
When I heard that Quentin Tarantino handed the Grand Jury Prize for best feature to Courtney Hunt’s Frozen River at this year’s Sundance Film Festival, telling the audience that the movie “put my heart in a vise and proceeded to twist that vise until the last frame,” my jaw went…
Conor Oberst: Conor Oberst
Conor Oberst’s lyrics tend to be heavy-handed with metaphors and language in general, often reading like a hipper, more literate version of a 16-year-old girl’s poetry journal. His self-titled effort (and first under his given name) doesn’t shy away from that kind of grating poetic license. The music largely absorbs…
Schoolhouse: The Rocker
The Rocker bears the decidedly unmistakable odor of something made in 1983 and left on the shelf a good 25 years. Which isn’t to suggest that it’s fetid product in need of tossing out: Parts of it are genuinely delightful, and Rainn Wilson doesn’t squander his first feature-film starring role…
Locals Only
First came Fitzgerald’s last year, then Numbers earlier this month, and this weekend Rudyard’s becomes the latest Houston nightlife entrenchment to get its 30-year pin. Just like the rest of the time, the earthy Montrose pub tries its best not to play favorites with its anniversary-weekend lineup. It’s covered its…
Gone to Hell: Mental Illness and Harris County Jail
On December 19, 2006, Alexander Hatcher received about $15,000 in disability payments from Social Security. Diagnosed as bipolar and schizophrenic, Hatcher was off his meds and homeless, and the money was a dangerous windfall. He took two friends, female prostitutes, to buy cigarettes, clothes, booze and drugs. The trio traveled…
La Tapa Tapa Restaurant & Lounge
Fernando Gallegos is from Monterrey, Mexico, but his family is from Spain, and specifically from Galicia. After graduating from the Art Institute’s culinary program, he formed his own restaurant consulting company and met his business partner, Randy Branch, who was running Phil’s Place. A couple of months ago, they opened…
Capsule Art Reviews: “Defending Democracy,” “Drapetomania: A Disease Called Freedom,” “Dust,” “The Joannaversary: Parachutists Are the Loneliest People”
“Defending Democracy” “Defending Democracy” displays work by artists who share the belief that art can be a catalyst for change. The show includes political graphic art of former Black Panther Minister of Culture Emory Douglas, the murals and prints of the anonymous artist collective ASARO and the “teach-in” installation of…
Michelangelo’s Fave at Gelato Blu
Although it comes in small or medium, it’s hard to imagine eating anything but a large ($4.95) “Michelangelo” at Gelato Blu (5710 Memorial, 713-880-5900). An Italian gelato we’d never tried before, it consists of ricotta cheese mixed with fig paste, and it’s one of the most unusual (in a good…
Capsule Stage Reviews: Always…Patsy Cline, Electile Dysfunction, Fine Arts Fascists, Smoke on the Mountain: Homecoming
Always…Patsy Cline Stages Repertory Theatre’s favorite cash cow is back and as much fun as ever. Created by Ted Swindley, the Stages founding artistic director, 20 years ago, Always…Patsy Cline is one of the theater’s biggest crowd pleasers. With the current two-woman cast, which includes the hilarious Susan O. Koozin…
T’AFIA’S BLO-JITO
A little Interweb research tells me that the forerunner to the mojito was invented in the 1500s by the English pirate Richard Drake, one of Sir Francis Drake’s cohorts. It seems Francis had a reputation for rowdiness at his various ports-of-call and had earned the nickname “the Dragon.” So Richard…
Order Up! Is Supersized Fun
The term is “shovel-ware”: a gaming phrase used to describe the heaps and heaps of worthless, quickly cranked out titles currently choking the Nintendo Wii. Even EA Games, a major developer, sinks to the Wii’s level with the recently announced “Celebrity Sports Showdown” — a mini-game compilation starring grotesquely caricatured…
