If His Name Was Chet Smith, He'd Be a VP Candidate Now

Rep. Chet Edwards, a Democrat representing Waco, believes he may have been nixed as Barack Obama’s VP choice because his surname is the same as that dastardly adulterer John Edwards.

Frankly, it sounds like the sort of thing a fat kid who didn’t make the swim team might say. (“They didn’t want me because they’re jealous of my breast-stroke.”) Unfortunately, such hollow proclamations trivialize those whose names legitimately hurt their chances – fine Americans who might otherwise have made the cut. Here are but a few who sadly fell by the wayside.

Sen. Heywood Yablomi, R-MS

Rep. Adolf Hitler, D-NH

Rep. George Satan, D-LA

Anthony Edwards

Edwards Air Force Base

Edward James Olmos

Gov. Steven W. Dumbfuck, R-ND

John Stamos

John Wilkes Booth

Jon Bon Jovi

Rep. Larry Craig, R-ID

— Craig Malisow