In his continued quest to win hearts and minds and, you know, the governor’s seat, state Attorney General Greg Abbott held a Twitter town hall on Friday. Yes, for one brief, shining moment, Abbott (or someone that does a pretty good Abbott-on-social-media impression) was on the Twitter and people could ask him stuff. There was even a hashtag, #AskAbbott.

The questions lobbed at Abbott ranged from the pointy to the pointless-but-oh-so-hilarious, so we rounded up some of our favorites.

On Abbott’s a tort-reformer yet was awarded $10 million after he sued because of that tree that fell on him in River Oaks and left him wheelchair-bound (recently mentioned by opponent state Sen. Wendy Davis in that controversial ad):

But then there were much more, shall we say, pressing matters to address:

And:

And the truly important stuff:

And this oh-so-subtle reference to Abbott’s stance on both abortion law in the Lone Star State and womens rights in general:

Ditto:

But some got to the really important questions:

And then others asked the questions that are that other kind of important. Really:

But, seriously y’all, this is the one we urgently need a response to:

Perhaps unsurprisingly, while #AskAbbott was trending on Twitter, real Abbott (or the aforementioned theoretical Abbott-bot) didn’t get around to answering a lot (read: about 99 percent) of these questions. Those he did answer pretty much went like this:

This article appears in Oct 16-22, 2014.

Dianna Wray is a nationally award-winning journalist. Born and raised in Houston, she writes about everything from NASA to oil to horse races.