Hair Balls was glad to learn that one of our musical heroes, David Byrne, is taking on The Man; namely, Florida Governor Charlie Crist, for using the Talking Heads song “Road to Nowhere” in his U.S. Senate campaign without permission. (Crist is running as an independent, but historically has belonged to the Republican party, which has a weird habit of using songs by liberal musicians without their permission, often to comical effect, i.e., Reagan and “Born in the USA”). Crist used the song in a slam against opponent Maco Rubio, apparently after advisers suggested that calling Rubio a “Psycho Killer” was slightly less subtle.
The whole exercise prompted us to use Talking Heads titles for this week’s column, in the hopes that Mr. Byrne will not sue the bejeesus out of us as well. After all, this week’s adoptable critters at the Bureau of Animal Regulation and Care told us they were huge TH fans, something we’re sure Byrne could appreciate. So, without further ado, here is this week’s column about buildings and food:
SHAKER A102218
This neutered, 3-year-old German shepherd/rottie mix loves to give high-fives over and over. A stray, he is heartworm-positive, but this is completely treatable. Shaker’s one of the coolest dogs we’ve ever seen. Home is where he wants to be….Your house must be the place:
If someone asks, this is where I’ll be
Whoa-oh, we drift in and out, whoa-oh, sing into my mouth
Out of all those kinds of people, you got a face with a view
I’m just an animal looking for a home
Share the same space for a minute or two
And you love me til my heart stops
Love me til I’m dead
BRAZIL A1023741
What do you get when an owner surrenders a kick-ass three-year-old
neutered black lab because the owner has “no time”? Why, you get a
douchebag without a dog, of course!
Brazil is better off, because now he
can belong to you. Having been abandoned once already, Brazil just had
this Talking Heads line to say: “I hate people when they’re not polite.”
TOY A0948803
This lovely, 2-year-old spayed border collie/cocker spaniel mix, is
especially smart and poetic.
Which is why we have no idea what she meant
when she told us: “When my love stands next to your love, I can’t
compare love, when it’s not love…..Which is my face, which is a
building, which is on fire.”
SHAWNIE A1020936
We have to wonder where Shawnie’s former owner got her lobotomy,
because it apparently was not a BBB-approved clinic: this adorable
neutered 2-year-old Australian shepherd was returned because — get this
— he “jumps up.” (Apparently, the former owner thought this dog’s legs
were merely ornamental appendages). We wonder what life must’ve been
like in that household. Why, it must have been something like, uh, life
during wartime or something.
This ain’t no party
This ain’t no disco
This ain’t no foolin’ around
TEDDY A1022484
Step right up and get this lovely 2-year-old stray brown lab mix,
folks. This dude was so glad to see us, all he said was, “Why am I going
out of my head whenever you’re around? The answer is obvious: love has
come to town.”
PICKLES A1012911
According to the paperwork, this 5-month old spayed Australian
shepherd/catahoula mix was returned because the owner had “too
many.” Note that this was a “return” — it’s not like the owner
apparently found himself overwhelmed with ten thousand puppies; the
owner apparently adopted this dog, took her home, and then — lo and
behold — suddenly realized that he just had too many dang dogs already!
(Unsurprisingly, the owner was not similarly burdened by an
overpopulation of brain cells).
We feel this may have left poor Pickles
with some blurry, nagging memories that need to be replaced, post-haste:
Everything is very quiet
Everyone has gone to sleep
I’m wide awake on memories
These memories can’t wait
Thanks as always to Robyn Arouty, whose
photos are so freaking amazing they often inexplicably make us ask
ourselves, “Where is that large automobile?”
This article appears in May 27 – Jun 2, 2010.
