Those funny folks at the McAllen Chamber of Commerce are at it again, keeping up their opposition to the border fencing the Department of Homeland Security has planned for South Texas.
This time, McAllen Chamber of Commerce President and CEO Steve Ahlenius has come up with a list of ways to get around a physical wall separating Texas from Mexico.
Suggestions include:
Climb over it. This seems to work well in Arizona
Tunnel under it. This is a very popular choice in California
Walk around it. This is an easy option.
Fly into Canada and then walk across
Boat across the Gulf of Mexico to another state where there are no walls.
Yet.
Call East Germany survivors and ask how they did it
Walk around with a cell phone saying, “Can you hear me now?”
Buy an Acme kit, paint a hole on the wall and walk through
Walk backwards and say you’re leaving
Pretend you’re a Canadian- eh?
Say you’re here to deliver the tequila
Master the pogo stick
Plant magic beans next to the wall and wait
Employ the Jedi mind trick. “These are not the illegals you are looking for.”
Put on a hard hat, grab a clip board and say you’re inspecting the wall
Grab onto a huge handful of helium balloons and float over the wall
Create a human pyramid
Use a trampoline
Glue suction cups to your feet
Hide in a piñata
Dress in black and hide in the wall’s shadow
Start a rousing game of Red Rover Red Rover
Run down the road yelling, “The Muslims are coming!”
Pole vault over
Build a Trojan Javelina and mail it to Washington D.C.
Employ the assistance of a giant gopher
Hitch a ride on a UFO
Use a Harry Potter Invisibility Cloak
Mail yourself
Get a boost from Yao Ming
Use a grappling hook
Stand on a pile of cases of beer
Pretend to look for a lost cat
Pretend to be Santa
Learn the Indian rope charm
Make like Evel Knieval
Anger a field goal kicker and have him kick you over
This article appears in Jun 28 – Jul 4, 2007.
