Meet Marcus Master Batum, Who Does A Lot Of Exactly What It Sounds Like He Does

It’s a fact that most men like to play with themselves. Some even enjoy doing it in public. One man in particular, however, apparently likes to do it in front of unsuspecting women, over and over again, regardless of the consequences.

His name, according to court records, is Marcus Master Batum.

Seriously, we’re not making this up.

On February 28, Mr. Batum was charged with indecent exposure. Harris
County court records state that he bared all and began masturbating in
front of a female corrections officer while incarcerated at the county
jail on an unrelated charge.

This was not the first time Batum has taken his little buddy out to
play in public. Court records show he has been charged with misdemeanor
indecent exposure seven other times since 2005 and has been convicted
for at least three of them. It appears as though Batum’s favorite
targets are female corrections officers. Six of the charges are listed
as happening at the jail in front of women.

Batum, 28, also goes by a couple of other names, according to court records, including Marcus Nathan Batum.

We’re not sure which stage name is real, or whether he — or possibly a mischievous sheriff’s deputy — is playing a joke, but there it is in black and white, filed officially with the court.

Regardless, to whomever came up with the name, we offer our thanks.