Miss Pop Rocks Loves (the Second Half of) the Oscars

Okay, my gal pal Tamarie and I were lit on junk food and TaB the last you heard from me, and in my insanity I was unable to do the full report you deserve on the Big Oscar Winners…so here’s my take on those who walked home with the little naked guy.

Best Picture (and Best Directors, too): Okay, so I wanted “Juno” to win, but I knew that wasn’t a possibility, so at least “No Country For Old Men” won over the other snoozefests that were nominated. I haven’t even seen it, but I love almost everything the Coen brothers do, so I’m sure I’ll end up adoring it. Didn’t the Coen brothers seem almost too-cool-for-school up there accepting their trophies? They obviously need no Hollywood validation for their work, which makes them even cooler.

Best Actor: I think I had Daniel Day Lewis’s haircut during my Riot Grrrl phase as a sophomore in college. Also those earrings. “I’ve abandoned my son! I’ve abandoned my son!” Yes, Mr. Method Actor, we know, we know. I think Daniel needs to lighten up…watch a little “Talk Soup” or “Family Guy” once in a while. As Tamarie said, his acceptance speech sounded like he was trying to channel Ezra Pound or something.

Best Actress: Marion Cotillard in “La Vie en Rose.” Not only am I an Edith Piaf fan, there’s something about French people speaking English that makes everything they say sound Really Important and Lovely. (“I luv de life, I luv de luv…thiz izzz a city of ahhh-ngels!”) True, Marion did what the Academy loves: gained weight and looked weird for a small role not many people saw. But she did it well. Glad she won.

Best Screenplay: When Diablo Cody won, Tam and I jumped from the couch as I screamed, “A real girl, a real girl won!” Not only am I completely in LUV with the film “Juno,” Diablo Cody is too bad ass, witty and smart for words. Her acceptance speech (“What is going on!?!?”) was sweet and funny all at once. I love you, Diablo.

Best Supporting Actor: It was hard to listen to anything Javier Bardem was saying because Tamarie was screaming with pleasure at the sight of her current celebrity crush. I honestly thought they were going to give it to Hal Holbrook, seeing as the Academy loves to award the dying. But Javier probably deserved it. Adored the bit in Spanish at the end, Javier. Viva Espana!

Best Supporting Actress: Again, I thought age (and talent) would trump all and the great Ruby Dee would walk away with the statue, but lo and behold, little Miss Hefty Bag Tilda Swinton won the award. I applaud her for attempting to take a fashion risk, but my God, that dress looked like one half of a Mormon Tabernacle Choir robe. Honestly! I kinda dug Amy Ryan’s pitch perfect Bostonese in “Gone Baby Gone,” but I guess this is the year the Academy decided to reward gender-ambiguous British actors.

Best Original Song: Wow, I never thought I would say this, but the nominees for Best Original Song actually made me miss Randy Newman. Seriously. Okay, I should qualify myself. I loved one pair of nominees, and thank God they won. “Falling Slowly,” from “Once,” by Glen Hansard and Marketa Irglova, was so lovely and earnest and real. But what was up with the three craptastic songs from “Enchanted”? If elevator Muzak and Disney had a slew of bastard children, it would be these songs. The fourth nominee was some slick, over-produced Gospel number that provided ample time for a bathroom break during the broadcast. For once, the Oscar went to the most-deserving song. And who didn’t love their speeches and Jon Stewart pulling Marketa out to make the speech she didn’t get to? Make art! Make art!

Okay, that’s a wrap until next year…I’m already planning the Snack List. – Jennifer Mathieu