So NASA is apparently taking public suggestions for where to point the
High Resolution Imaging Science Experiment (HiRISE) camera on NASA’s
Mars Reconnaissance Orbiter. No doubt the agency is anticipating a
slew of requests for Victoria Crater or Olympus Mons, and I
salute such educational endeavors. Then again, let us not ignore the
other applications of this technology: specifically, scoping out
potential Martian babes.
5. Genevieve Selsor (Bernadette Peters) — The Martian
Chronicles (1980)
1970s/80s vintage Bernadette Peters was smoking hot, to be sure. But
as this clip of the spectacularly annoying Selsor (one of the last
remaining humans on Mars) demonstrates, she’s best viewed from afar.
Note: Slightly NSFW image after the jump. Or at the end of the item, if you have come to it directly. But it’s really only NSFW if you work for a really tight-ass company. Clicking on the image, though, may be a whole other thing.
4. Vampire Girl (Vampira, AKA Maila Nurmi) — Plan 9 From Outer
Space (1959)
Admittedly, I don’t know if — *cough* — Eros and Tanna and the gang
were even from Mars. And the Vampire Girl is actually, as far as I can
remember, a human woman resurrected as a result of Plan 9. Sue me, I
have a thing for goth chicks.
3. Martian Girl (Lisa Marie) — Mars Attacks (1996)
A star-studded cast, alien invasion, yodeling…it’s hard to explain
why this never really caught on. If nothing else, it remains note
worthy for introducing the concept of the “Kennedy Room.”
2. Dejah Thoris (Lynn Collins) — John Carter of Mars (2012)
Thoris is a Red Martian princess rescued by the Earthling John Carter
from the clutches of the Green Martians in Edgar Rice Burrough’s
Barsoom series. The movie is still two years away, which
means anything can happen casting-wise, but right now this is who
they have slated to play her. She appears to have the
requisite…assets.
1. Mary (Lycia Naff) — Total Recall (1990)
Frankly, after seeing this I’m not so sure “getting your ass to Mars”
is all that great an idea. I mean, three breasts is a viable fetish.
Three cheeks? Not so much.
The following is NSFW, if you couldn’t tell.
This article appears in Jan 21-27, 2010.
