The horror. The horror.
Gentlemen, I hope that you are seated. I hope that you have braced yourselves, because I have some bad news. Some bad news indeed. You see, we’re not going to have any choice with the Super Bowl this year, we’re going to have to watch Tom Petty and the Fox halftime show. Don’t do me like that. Don’t do me like that. Please don’t leave me with no other halftime options.
Not after yesterday. Not after the Lingerie Bowl was cancelled.
That’s right, no hot women in tight shorts, sports bras, shoulder pads, and hockey helmets playing football. No nearly naked women trying to tackle other nearly naked women or getting into catfights.
Instead, we’re just going to have to watch Tom Petty. And I’ve got nothing against Tom Petty, but Tom, you ain’t no nearly naked hot woman. So just stop draggin’ my heart around.
But, courtesy of YouTube, here’s a little bit of what we’ll be missing this halftime. Enjoy.
Really, there’s just no way Tom Petty can top a bunch of American girls just runnin’ down a dream. So stop jammin’ me, Fox. Stop giving me Mary Jane’s last dance. Don’t come around here no more with the old geezers for the halftime.
Come on. The Super Bowl is on Fox. The people who brought us Temptation Island and Girl Next Door: The Search for a Playboy Centerfold. Let’s leap into the great wide open and give us halftime show worthy of Fox. Contact the Lingerie Bowl people. Pay off Tom Petty. Make it happen. – John Royal
This article appears in Jan 24-30, 2008.
