Paul Ryan's Airplane Stuck in Houston -- How'd He Spend the Delay?

On the campaign trail, there's not a moment that goes unused. BlackBerries -- oh, the BlackBerries. While the iPhone triumphs in the general population, it appears the only subspecies of man still trolling with BlackBerries are the political stooges and groupies. Every time there's a lapse in scheduling or a moment of unplanned complacency, out come the BlackBerries.

Such a moment occurred today. Representative Paul Ryan's plane was delayed at Hobby Airport for several hours pending mechanical issues after swooping into town last night to get some Republican cash for the political war zone raging in Ohio. During his talk at the Hotel St. Regis, Ryan continued the campaign's recent change in rhetoric highlighting Obama's policies as "foreign" or "antithetical" to America. This has been a rather clumsy attempt to, well, call Obama a foreigner (Birthers unite!) while positioning Ryan and the other boys as true defenders of Pax Americana.

So while Dude's plane chilled and got worked on, how did the Wisconsinite pass his time? His spokesman, Mike Steel, e-mailed us, saying: "Ryan spent the time making phone calls and reading his debate materials." But, really. What else was he up to inside there?

4. Thumbed through Ayn Rand.
If there's anything we've learned about Paul Ryan, it's that he loves high school reading, specifically Rand's objectionist Atlas Shrugged. Ryan is perhaps enamored with this book because it confirms much of his life's narrative, simultaneously exalting the superiority of the wealthy and deriding the poor as slothful and plotting.

It's pretty much Mitt Romney's 47 percent comment writ large. Likely, whenever any of those nuances of the world pester this orthodoxy, Ryan withdraws, tapping intellectual sustenance from Rand. And lately, things have been looking grim for Romney et al. Today may well have been one of those days.

3. WORKED OUT (!!!)
Get some, Ryan. Who cares about all that politicking when there are biceps to be sculpted? Those weights aren't going to lift themselves. Ryan claims he's got 6 percent body fat, and is an acolyte of P90X, which has spurred some hilarious videos on YouTube. But working out's no joke to Ryan. Defending freedom doesn't mean you take the elevator; it means you take the stairs. Besides, there's gotta be a gym somewhere in that airplane.

2. Mourned the Packer loss.
Packer fans have lost it. After Monday Night Football's bizarre ending in which the Packers appeared to have nabbed an interception, but was instead ruled a touchdown for the other guys, there's been a wild outpouring of grief. One Washington Post editor even experienced an existential crisis.

Paul Ryan, an avid Packer fan, took it further, injecting Packer reverence into his Republican National Convention speech. Yesterday, Ryan told an audience in Cincinnati, Ohio: "You guys watch that Packer game last night? I mean, give me a break. It's time to get the real refs, and it reminds me of the President Obama and the economy."


1. Texted with Mittens.
It's unclear who loves who more. Romney loves Ryan because he's actually a humanoid, and Ryan loves Romney because he loves Ryan. This is a matrimony built upon Things White People Like. Such as: vanilla ice cream and doing things for other white people. And worshiping at the altar of free enterprise with much the same zealotry that George W. Bush did with democracy. Mitt, if elected, intends to fix all the world's woes with the private sector-fused foreign aid. Ayn Rand surely would agree.

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