R.I.P. Peeps, Till Next Year: We Send Them Off Via Limerick, Haiku, Beatles Song & Utter Tastelessness

Put that Peep down, perp!

The Season of the Peep is over for yet another year, the hideous tastewarpers going out of sight, out of mind until stores once again begin next year’s Easter push, generally a week before Valentine’s Day.

Much as we would like to simply forget about Peeps for as long as possible, it would be unseemly to send them off without some kind of hurrah.

But which kind?

We’ll cover all the bases, as you’ll see. Feel free to try it yourself, in the comments or on our Facebook page. Grand Prize: No Peeps sent to your house.

5. The noble limerick There once were some candies called Peeps
That always would give kids the creeps.
They had soulless eyes
Despite any disguise —
They were shit from some yellowy sheeps.

4. The even nobler Haiku Alas, noble Peep
Your days on this Earth are through
You doubt? Ask my stomach.

3. By substituting “Peep(s)” for a key word in a well-loved poem

The Red Wheelbarrow
By William Carlos Williams

so much depends
upon

a red wheel
barrow

glazed with rain
water

beside the white
peep.

2. Changing the lyrics to a well-known song, such as the Beatles’ “A Hard Day’s Night.” (Fun fact about Peeps: The ingredients are marshmallow, corn syrup, gelatin and carnauba wax. It t urns out that last item has many other uses.)

“A Hard Day’s Night”
By Lennon & McCartney

Hey it’s ol’ carnauba wax
and we need it to shine our shoes
Yeah it’s carnauba wax
In pipes and make-up, it’s what we use
And when we polish the floor
Carnauba wax we adore
Then we eat it on Easter Day?

With our Peeps ev’rything seems to be right
Don’t look too deep, or you’ll get no sleep though the night, night yeah….

1. Tastelessly substituting “Peep(s)” in a heartfelt, touching song and thereby burning in Hell forever

“Heaven”
By Eric Clapton Time can bring you down, time can bend your knees
Time can break your heart, have you begging please, begging please

Beyond the door there’s peace I’m sure
And I know there’ll be no more Peeps in heaven.

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