Tired of getting laid? Prefer lonely nights eating chili out of the can while watching M.A.S.H. reruns? Fed up with all that affection? We’re here to help. — Keith Plocek

This article appears in Feb 7-13, 2008.

The Houston Press is a nationally award-winning, 34-year-old publication ruled by endless curiosity, a certain amount of irreverence, the desire to get to the truth and to point out the absurd as well...