You've heard the fabulous tale of Steve Slater, a flight attendant on JetBlue. As the plane he was working pulled up to the gate, some asshole jumped out of his seat to get his luggage.
Because that person was so, so much more important than anyone else.
Slater objected, the guy allegedly told him to fuck off, and Slater -- in a moment of sheer inspiration -- went to the PA system, said "To the motherfucker who told me to fuck off, it's been a good 28 years!!"
He grabbed two beers, pulled the lever to make the emergency chute deploy, and slid down into greatness.
He got arrested, though, and is out of a job. So how could he have handled things better?
1. Should have grabbed more than two beers.
If you're gonna go, pack up for the long haul. Grab some peanuts, too.
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2. Refuse to say "buh-bye" to the guy when passengers were leaving.
And emphasize the "buh-byes" to the people in line ahead of him, so he would really feel the burn.
3. Call an air marshal.
"It looked like he was going for a bomb, sir."
"After the plane landed?"
"Well, it's possible he forgot about his plans until that moment, sir."
The passenger would not get arrested, but he'd face a long night of paperwork.
4. Grab more beer.
We can't emphasize this enough.
5. Use the schoolteacher approach.
"No one is leaving this plane until someone apologizes. I am willing to wait all day, people. So go ahead and put your laptrays down and get those seats in the un-upright position."