Stuff I Wish I Could Call 911 About (a.k.a. Dumb McNuggets Lady)

So the lady who called 911 three times because McDonald’s wouldn’t give her the McNuggets she ordered really deserves to have her voting rights rescinded at the very least. I mean, it’s stories like these that make me question the democratic process.

I suppose I understand the sense of anger and frustration that drove her to call the only place she thought could help her, but still…if I called 911 every single time I felt anger and frustration, I would have been on the phone continuously for at least three to four years of my life.

Operator: 911, what is your emergency?
Miss Pop Rocks: I can’t find my keys.
Operator: Ma’m?
Miss Pop Rocks: I don’t know where they are. I thought they were on the kitchen counter, but I’ve looked and looked and they’re nowhere!

Operator: 911, what is your emergency?
Miss Pop Rocks: I’m out of gin.
Operator: Ma’m?
Miss Pop Rocks: DIDN’T YOU HEAR ME? Lady, I am out of gin!
Operator: I don’t know how to help you.
Miss Pop Rocks: Lookssh, lady…either youze gets me somesh more gin or I’ll….zzzzz

Operator: 911, what is your emergency?
Miss Pop Rocks: My husband took all this stuff out of the pantry, and he left it on the kitchen counter instead of putting it back.
Operator: Ma’m?
Miss Pop Rocks: We’ve been together almost ten years, and as many times as I ask him not to do this, he does it. I don’t understand. I mean, it’s a simple thing, isn’t it? You take something out, you put it back in.
Operator: This is not a 911 emergency, ma’m, I’m sorry.
Miss Pop Rocks: Well I’m pissed!

Operator: 911, what is your emergency?
Miss Pop Rocks: I can’t decide what to wear to this party.
Operator: Ma’m?
Miss Pop Rocks: I mean, the yellow dress is cute, but it makes my butt look kind of big. And the pants are comfortable, but I don’t know if that’s dressy enough.
Operator: Ma’m, I have to terminate this call.
Miss Pop Rocks: But I don’t want to show up looking like a moron!

Operator: 911, what is your emergency?
Miss Pop Rocks: I’m soooooooo bored.
Operator: Ma’m?
Miss Pop Rocks: Seriously. I’m bored to tears.
Operator: Have you tried Lifetime? I’m sure there’s a nice Tori Spelling movie on right now.
Miss Pop Rocks: Oh wow, that’s a great idea! Thanks, 911 Operator!
Operator: No problem!

Sigh…if only.