Governor Rick Perry has been pressing for Texas to secede from the nation. He might bitch about high taxes, but I think we all know the real reason he’s pushing this idiotic movement. How else can the Texas Longhorns win a national championship?
Sure, the Longhorns helped to devise the Big 12 ground rules that kept the Horns from playing for the Conference championship, which in turn kept them from playing for the national title. And sure, maybe if the Horns could have actually won a game when it mattered, or found some fashion in which to tackle Michael Crabtree instead of just letting him tiptoe down the sideline with time running out, none of this would have mattered. But that’s not important. What’s important is that the Longhorns are whiny babies who were robbed of a national title that belongs to them.
And if the state does secede, then the Texas Longhorns will truly win the national title of Texas every year because who else is going to compete with them? The Aggies? Hah. Baylor? Rice? Tech? The Cougars? UTEP?
But maybe it won’t come to this. The secession thing, that is. Not if
Texas Congressman Joe Barton (R — Idiot) has anything to do with it. Because Representative Joe held some Congressional hearings last week
on the BCS, and he stated that if the BCS didn’t go to a playoff system within two months then he was going to
shove through Congress a bill that would demand such, and which would
be signed by the President.
Now I don’t know if Barton’s
noticed, but there are some more pressing matters going on in the
country — unemployment, a tanking housing market, Wall Street crooks, a
couple of wars, the destruction of the auto industry — so I’m not quite
sure that his two-month timetable is quite realistic. Also, despite
his stated preference for a college playoff, I think that, unlike
Representative Barton, President Obama actually recognizes that there are
more important things to deal with this in this country than college
football. (Plus there’s that the whole thing about the Republicans
being a minority party who are lucky to just get their bills through
committee.)
Governor Perry has kind of shut up about the whole
secession thing lately — mainly because he’s discovered that the U.S.
government can provide him with things this state doesn’t have, like
flu medication — but if Barton fails in his attempt to get
his bill through Congress, then I’m sure the governor will start
pressing the whole secession thing all over again.
Now for those
of you wondering why Governor Perry, an Aggie, would push for an action
that would benefit the Horns, well, the answer is really quite simple. After all, didn’t you see how badly the Aggies had their asses kicked
by Oklahoma, Oklahoma State, Kansas State, Arkansas State, and Miami?
So I’m pretty sure he would get some kind of bill through that would
prohibit the Aggies from playing football games against teams from
foreign countries — not that it would help the Aggies beat the
Longhorns.
This article appears in Apr 30 – May 6, 2009.
